Danger Lurks At Home

As bankrolls slim down and the unemployment rolls swell (hi Mike!), more people are likely to be spending time at home.

According to the people in white coats at WebMD, however, this is a bad idea. How bad? Let them count the ways.

Okay, they stopped counting at six.

1. Sponges will kill you. Throw your sponge into a centrifuge (or whatever it is scientists throw things into) and you'll likely discover E Coli, salmonella, and poop.

Most people clean their countertops and table after a meal with the one tool found in almost all kitchens: the sponge. In addition to sopping up liquids and other messes, the kitchen sponge commonly carries E. coli and fecal bacteria, as well as many other microbes. "It's the single dirtiest thing in your kitchen, along with a dishrag," says Tierno.

Ironically, the more you attempt to clean your countertops with a sponge, the more germs you're spreading around. "People leave [the sponge] growing and it becomes teaming with [millions of] bacteria, and that can make you sick and become a reservoir of other organisms that you cross-contaminate your countertops with, your refrigerator, and other appliances in the kitchen," Tierno explains.

Their recommendation: Bleach. Which is, of course, highly toxic.

My recommendation: Only eat at other people's houses, leaving your kitchen spotless.

2. Vacuuming. Regular vacuuming releases a storm cloud of dust and other fine particles into the air, triggering asthma attacks, soil erosion, and crop failure.

Their recommendation: Buy some fancy spancy vacuum for a gazillion dollars.

My recommendation: Stop vacuuming. Duh.

3. Sleeping with pillows and a mattress.

The average person sheds about 1.5 million skin cells per hour and perspires one quart every day even while doing nothing, says Tierno. The skin cells accumulate in our pillows and mattresses and dust mites grow and settle.

If that's not gross enough for you, Tierno explains that a mattress doubles in weight every 10 years because of the accumulation of human hair, bodily secretions, animal hair and dander, fungal mold and spores, bacteria, chemicals, dust, lint, fibers, dust mites, insect parts, and a variety of particulates, including dust mite feces. After five years, 10% of the weight of a pillow is dust mites. This is what you're inhaling while you sleep.

"What you're sleeping on can exacerbate your allergies or your asthma," says Tierno.

Their recommendation: Put some giant bags over your bed. And wash your sheets once a week (seriously).

My recommendation: Sleep on the couch or in your car.

4. Grilling meats. Okay, they must have read my post from April. Basically, the fat drips down causing cancer to spray all over your burger.

Their recommendation:

"Limiting your outdoor cooking, using tin foil, or microwaving the meat first is a sensible precaution," says Michael Thun, MD. He is emeritus vice president for epidemiology and surveillance research with the American Cancer Society.

My recommendation: Don't ever invite Michael Thun, MD, to your barbecue.

5. Opening your windows. Outside air pollution will kill you. Inside air pollution will kill you even faster.

Their recommendation: Run the air conditioner and keep the windows shut. The a/c will filter out the cancer dust, although the really deadly stuff will sneak in and kill you anyway.

My recommendation: Start smoking. Cigarette smoke will kill off the dust mites.

6. Watching TV. Americans are fat and lazy. It is the fault of the tv.

Their recommendation: Turn off the tv, put down the junk food, and go for a walk.

My recommendation: Get an old tv that uses an antenna. The US is switching to digital tvs on Friday. Without a converter box, your old tv won't get any reception.