Reusable shopping bags will kill you

A recent study by some guys in white coats at the University of Arizona warns that those nifty reusable shopping bags (like the 20 or so I have in my trunk) are teaming with bacteria.

The researchers tested 84 bags collected from shoppers in Tucson, Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay Area and found that just over half were contaminated with potentially harmful bacteria. Twelve percent of the bags contained E. coli, which indicates possible fecal matter and more dangerous pathogens.

According to the study co-author Charles Gerba, using a reusable bag is on a par with having your family play Russian Roulette (how do those Russian casinos keep attracting customers anyway?):

Well, it's sort of a random chance," he said. "Sometimes, there may be enough. Sometimes, there may be not. You're really always gambling with germs."

The biggest problems arise from people stuffing dripping hunks of raw meat into their bags and then leaving them in the trunk for a while.

Unacceptable alternatives include chopping down forests to create paper bags, and despoiling our pristine wetlands with offshore oil drilling to make toxic plastic bags. The study authors (who, incidentally, got $30k from the American Chemistry Council to conduct their research), recommend soaking bags overnight in Purell, or just skipping the bags entirely and stealing the store's shopping carts.

Going to the gym will kill you

[The people in the above photo were found dead moments after this picture were taken]

My two main reasons for canceling my gym membership were that I was broke and I got tired of being a straight guy surrounded by naked men in the locker room. Plus, I'm lazy.

Thankfully, people in White Coats (working for people in running shorts) have given me a better reason: gyms are covered in nasty germs.

As the staid "Gray Lady" herself, the New York Times, soberly put it:

When you go to the gym, do you wash your hands before and after using the equipment? Bring your own regularly cleaned mat for floor exercises? Shower with antibacterial soap and put on clean clothes immediately after your workout? Use only your own towels, razors, bar soap, water bottles?

If you answered "no" to any of the above, you could wind up with one of the many skin infections that can spread like wildfire in athletic settings.

Well, sure, you say, that's why they call it athlete's foot, after all. What's the big deal? Well, that's what some guy you've never heard of thought, pal:

And if you think skin problems are minor, consider what happened to Kyle Frey, a 21-year-old junior and competitive wrestler at Drexel University in Philadelphia.

Mr. Frey noticed a pimple on his arm last winter but thought little of it. He competed in a match on a Saturday, but by the next morning the pimple had grown to the size of his biceps and had become very painful.

His athletic trainer sent him straight to the emergency room, where the lesion was lanced and cultured. Two days later, he learned he had MRSA, the potentially deadly staphylococcus infection that is resistant to most antibiotics.

Mr. Frey spent five days in the hospital, where the lesion was surgically cleaned and stitched and treated with antibiotics that cleared the infection. He said in an interview that he does not know how he acquired MRSA: "The wrestling mat might have been contaminated, or I wrestled with someone who had the infection."

If it could happen to Mr. Frey, who said he has always been health-conscious in the gym and careful about not sharing his belongings, it could happen to you.

According to the CDC, if you insist on going to the gym, you are advised to wear a full body protective suit, refrain from touching anything, and keep a bottle of alcohol-based disinfectant to spray at anyone who comes within ten feet of you.

Germophobe? If not, this article can help

Another classic worry article from Parents Magazine: "Germ Warfare: How to Keep Your Kids Healthy." The gist of the article is that germs are everywhere, but you can fight back. The article helpfully notes that if you aren't afraid of your kitchen (sink, counter, refrigerator, cutting boards), bathroom (towels, sink, tub, toilet), supermarket, atm, elevator, pens, office, etc, then, (as Yoda once told Luke) "you will be ... you will be."

Some gems for those considering going over to the Mysophobia dark side:

• Using cashier pens: Pens provided to sign credit card purchases are "superb carriers of cold viruses," Dr. Schachter says, as are pens in doctors' offices and at the bank, and those offered by delivery people -- so carry your own!
  
• At the ATM and in the elevator: Press all buttons with a finger or knuckle that you're unlikely to use to touch your eyes, nose, or mouth. Better yet, use a key on your key ring or a pen from your bag.
  
• Washing your hands: Unless the liquid hand soap in the public bathroom is in its own sealed bag (chances are it isn't), it's likely a breeding fiesta for bacteria. Rinse well with warm water and use your own hand sanitizer.

And finally "Avoid close contact with people who have the flu, advises the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Droplets in sneezes and coughs can travel up to 6 feet. "

Since it's so hard to detect if people have the flu before they get within six feet of you, it's just safer to just stick to a classic hoop skirt.