Danger Lurks At Home

As bankrolls slim down and the unemployment rolls swell (hi Mike!), more people are likely to be spending time at home.

According to the people in white coats at WebMD, however, this is a bad idea. How bad? Let them count the ways.

Okay, they stopped counting at six.

1. Sponges will kill you. Throw your sponge into a centrifuge (or whatever it is scientists throw things into) and you'll likely discover E Coli, salmonella, and poop.

Most people clean their countertops and table after a meal with the one tool found in almost all kitchens: the sponge. In addition to sopping up liquids and other messes, the kitchen sponge commonly carries E. coli and fecal bacteria, as well as many other microbes. "It's the single dirtiest thing in your kitchen, along with a dishrag," says Tierno.

Ironically, the more you attempt to clean your countertops with a sponge, the more germs you're spreading around. "People leave [the sponge] growing and it becomes teaming with [millions of] bacteria, and that can make you sick and become a reservoir of other organisms that you cross-contaminate your countertops with, your refrigerator, and other appliances in the kitchen," Tierno explains.

Their recommendation: Bleach. Which is, of course, highly toxic.

My recommendation: Only eat at other people's houses, leaving your kitchen spotless.

2. Vacuuming. Regular vacuuming releases a storm cloud of dust and other fine particles into the air, triggering asthma attacks, soil erosion, and crop failure.

Their recommendation: Buy some fancy spancy vacuum for a gazillion dollars.

My recommendation: Stop vacuuming. Duh.

3. Sleeping with pillows and a mattress.

The average person sheds about 1.5 million skin cells per hour and perspires one quart every day even while doing nothing, says Tierno. The skin cells accumulate in our pillows and mattresses and dust mites grow and settle.

If that's not gross enough for you, Tierno explains that a mattress doubles in weight every 10 years because of the accumulation of human hair, bodily secretions, animal hair and dander, fungal mold and spores, bacteria, chemicals, dust, lint, fibers, dust mites, insect parts, and a variety of particulates, including dust mite feces. After five years, 10% of the weight of a pillow is dust mites. This is what you're inhaling while you sleep.

"What you're sleeping on can exacerbate your allergies or your asthma," says Tierno.

Their recommendation: Put some giant bags over your bed. And wash your sheets once a week (seriously).

My recommendation: Sleep on the couch or in your car.

4. Grilling meats. Okay, they must have read my post from April. Basically, the fat drips down causing cancer to spray all over your burger.

Their recommendation:

"Limiting your outdoor cooking, using tin foil, or microwaving the meat first is a sensible precaution," says Michael Thun, MD. He is emeritus vice president for epidemiology and surveillance research with the American Cancer Society.

My recommendation: Don't ever invite Michael Thun, MD, to your barbecue.

5. Opening your windows. Outside air pollution will kill you. Inside air pollution will kill you even faster.

Their recommendation: Run the air conditioner and keep the windows shut. The a/c will filter out the cancer dust, although the really deadly stuff will sneak in and kill you anyway.

My recommendation: Start smoking. Cigarette smoke will kill off the dust mites.

6. Watching TV. Americans are fat and lazy. It is the fault of the tv.

Their recommendation: Turn off the tv, put down the junk food, and go for a walk.

My recommendation: Get an old tv that uses an antenna. The US is switching to digital tvs on Friday. Without a converter box, your old tv won't get any reception.

Too MUCH sleep can make you fat too!

For the moment, my big problem is that I can't get Cinderella to sleep early enough. And this could make her fat.

Now my sister, Worried Aunt, has informed me of research reported on WebMD that too much sleep is associated with a whole host of problems, including diabetes, headaches, back pain, depression, heart disease, and, of course, obesity.

One recent study showed that people who slept for nine or 10 hours every night were 21% more likely to become obese over a six-year period than were people who slept between seven and eight hours. This association between sleep and obesity remained the same even when food intake and exercise were taken into account.

So, the previous studies suggested that you were at risk for obesity if you slept less than 9 hours a night. This one says nine or more and you're in trouble too.

Gee, thanks Sis!

My inability to get my kid to sleep early will make her fat

My daughter, Cinderella, has so far been the victor in the ongoing bedtime battle. It doesn't help much that The Wife and I are night owls (actually, I'm a night owl, she's descended from vampires).

I'm not so good with the whole setting strict limits thing, for the most part. The family motto is "Put the [insert dangerous object] down and nobody gets hurt." Apparently, this isn't good enough to get me a fatherhood medal. It seems that my inability to turn Cinderella into Sleeping Beauty is dramatically increasing her chances of joining the national childhood obesity craze that's sweeping the nation.

Several studies by people in white coats from New Zealand and England point to what appears to be a clear link between the lack of sleep and the rise of childhood obesity. In one study, researchers following 13,000 children made the shocking discovery that children who sleep less tend to spend less time playing outdoors and have less energy for active play. More worryingly, they say that it appears that lack of sleep may alter children's hormones, leading them to overeat, and seek out the worst kinds of food.

Another smaller study of 591 children found that "children who slept an average of less than nine hours a night had a 3.34% increase in body fat compared with those who slept more than nine hours." The researchers noted that shortchanging your kid's sleep led to a three-fold increase in their risk of becoming obese, independent of the amount of exercise they got or the amount of television they watched.