A story in Tuesday's Wall Street Journal (
nicely clipped by Bronxnews) explains that the friendly companies that have filled our little ones' heads full of the sweet taste of desire for tv crapola like Dora the Explorer ("I'll teach your kids the same three words in Spanish every day!"), Elmo (please tell me
Jim Henson wasn't responsible for this), Teletubbies (Falwell was right:
Tinky Winky is gay), Thomas the Tank Engine (we miss you
George), etc, are worried that you might hire someone to come to your kids birthday party pretending to be one of these creatures.
How worried are they? Worried enough to sue the pants of your entertainer. One owner of a kids' party shop received a friendly note from Marvel Inc, stating that they were aware of “unauthorized costumed Spider-Man, Hulk and Wolverine appearance services,” and added, “Marvel has no choice but to seek legal recourse against your business.” She has spent $30,000 defending herself in lawsuits.
In response to parental complaints that the companies create these insatiable desires in our kids only to deny them the chance to pretend that they actually get to meet the critters on their
freaking birthdays, the companies respond that they can spend $50 a pop when they show up at huge arena shows. Gee thanks.
The companies won't even sell the costumes to entertainers, reportedly for fear that the characters image might be misused (but slapping it on a diaper is okay?). The performers have been reduced to dressing up like scary imitation characters like "Squishy Guy" instead of Sponge Bob.
One kid who wanted this girl
to show up at her birthday shrieked in terror when she was met by this girl
The horror. The horror.
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