Beware of Sandals and Candles

Thinking about a romantic candlelit dinner or a walk on the beach in flip flops? According to the latest research, you might as well just drink a bottle of cyanide and shoot yourself in the head.

Okay, not quite, but here are two worrisome items on candles and flip flops.

Item Numero Uno:

According to people in white coats at South Carolina State University, candles release "harmful fumes linked to lung cancer and asthma."

According to a report from the BBC:

Lead researcher Amid Hamidi said people who frequently used candles, for instance to help them relax in the bath or provide the right ambiance for dinner, were most at risk.

He told the American Chemical Society in Washington: "An occasional paraffin candle and its emissions will not likely affect you.

"But lighting many paraffin candles every day for years or lighting them frequently in an unventilated bathroom around a tub, for example, may cause problems."

The danger seems to result from the fact that the candles don't reach a high enough temperature to burn off the toxins. To avoid dying from candle-induced cancer, researchers recommend "smoking, alcohol, obesity, unhealthy diets, inactivity and heavy sun exposure."

Item Numero Dos:

According to White Coaters from EMSL Analytical in New York City, walking around in flip flops is not only a big fashion faux pas, but will, in all likelihood, kill you faster than several candlelit dinners for two in an enclosed space. At least in NYC.

According to a stolid report from the New York Daily News, "Flip-flops are a magnet for dangerous, deadly bacteria!!!!"

Two reporters wore flip flops around New York, taking subways, buses, and going to Coney Island. They then handed the flip flops to the lab boys, who then put them in a big centrifuge.

"The results? Pretty heinous."

Researchers found thousands of bacteria on the footwear. Sure, they were mostly harmless, but, they note, some came from people's mouths. The researchers speculate that this was a result of the reporters walking where someone had spit on the sidewalk, but then again, we all know how weird New Yorkers are. (I'm just saying).

True, the labsters didn't find anything like Staph aureus, but, they write, they could have. If, you know, you had an open sore on your foot, and, like, you stepped in something gross, and, like, it entered your blood, it could, you know, KILL YOU DEAD!!!

Obviously, if you are going to walk around New York City, you must dispose of your footwear after every outing.

More Scary Things In Your Garden

Worried Dad's garden is doing very well, and if something is going well, then it's time to worry.

Item #1: Tomatoes and Potatoes are Getting Wiped Out

Tomato and potato crops throughout the Northeast US are getting decimated by Late Blight, a fungus that once caused the Irish Potato Famine.

Experts (or "Blightists") say that the fungus made its way to Northern gardens and fields through Big Box gardening centers. The unusually wet temperate weather created a perfect breeding ground for the fungus, which spread quickly as more people have turned to home gardens. Next year, start your tomatoes and potatoes from seed or get your starters from garden centers that buy from local farms.

Item #2: Don't Touch the Pretty Weeds

The next time you're about to tidy up the garden and pull up the weeds, you better be sure that you know the difference between Heracleum sphondylium (a nice ornamental plant known as Common Hogweed) and its evil twin Heracleum mantegazzianum (better known as Giant Hogweed). The latter has been spotted in backyards throughout the Northeast. Touching it "can cause skin sensitivity, burning blisters, and blackened scars if you are exposed to its toxic, watery sap."

Item #3: Plants Can Eat Meat

Intrepid botanists have discovered a hitherto unknown species of giant meat-eating plants in the central Philippines.

According to one of the botanical daredevils, "The plant is among the largest of all carnivorous plant species and produces spectacular traps as large as other species which catch not only insects, but also rodents as large as rats." Or, he might have added, small children.

While this plant was previously not a threat to human civilization, the botanists placed specimens in the herbarium of Palawan State University.

The needles and the damage done -- the trouble with Tamiflu

New reports out of Merry Olde England are showing that half of all children taking the anti-swine flu drug Tamiflu are experiencing side effects such as nausea, insomnia, and nightmares.

The kids were given the drug to prevent them from getting infected after other kids in their kids had been diagnosed with swine flu (H1N1). The people in white coats who conducted the study note that although some of the reported side effects could be due to other illnesses, they were "unlikely to account for all the symptoms experienced".

The full story is here.

My New Favorite Website

Let's Panic About Babies. You might think they're joking, but I'm not so sure.

I really like their sponsors too.

Danger In the Sand

Despite rains here in Boston that could only make Noah happy, Summer is really here.

Before you relax and enjoy yourself in the usual ways, consider my earlier reports that grilling meat will kill you, your swimming pool will kill you, and the Sun will kill you. And don't even think about a staycation.

Ok, you say, why not just slather on 5 gallons of SPF 5000 sunblock and head to the beach?

Because the sand will kill you. Or at least make you sick. According to a study by some people in white coats, people who play in beach sand were 20-24 percent more likely to report gastrointestinal illness and diarrhea than those who just looked at it with horror and ran away.

Nestle Cookie-Gate Cover Up

The Nestle cookie dough recall that has so far sickened 69 people and put 34 into the hospital --9 with kidney failure-- has taken an unexpected twist.

According to the Wall Street Journal, Nestle had denied access to FDA inspectors to its files of consumer complaints, pest-control records, and other information.

According to the full article (you have to have a subscription to access this), inspectors found "dirty equipment" and 3 "ant-like" creatures during a previous visit to the plant, but did not see fit to close the plant or require further action.

The FDA does not currently have the authority to force companies to provide such records except when they can prove that there is a grave immediate threat to public health. Congress is currently considering legislation to give the FDA this authority.

Forbes has more info here.

Nestle has recalled all raw cookie dough products that came from the suspect plant, but still continues to make pasta sauce and other non-cookie related products there.

Nestle Toll House Cookie Recall: C is for e. Coli

There are two disturbing elements to the recall of Nestle Toll House Refrigerated Cookie Dough.

* Usually the danger of raw cookie dough is salmonella from contaminated raw eggs. The contaminant here was E. coli 0157. According to Wikipedia,

E. coli O157:H7 infection often causes severe, acute bloody diarrhoea (although non-bloody diarrhoea is also possible) and abdominal cramps. Usually little or no fever is present, and the illness resolves in 5 to 10 days. It can also be asymptomatic.

In some people, particularly children under 5 years of age and the elderly, the infection can cause haemolytic uremic syndrome, in which the red blood cells are destroyed and the kidneys fail. About 2%–7% of infections lead to this complication. In the United States, haemolytic uremic syndrome is the principal cause of acute kidney failure in children, and most cases of haemolytic uremic syndrome are caused by E. coli O157:H7.



Basically, some cow poop got on the raw cookie dough. Is Nestle making a regular habit of mixing in cow poop with the chocolate chips? Do we really want to know the answer to that?

* Pre-made chocolate chip cookie dough?!! Mix flour and baking soda and set aside. Beat eggs, butter, brown and white sugar, vanilla, and salt. Add the flower and baking soda. Mix with spoon. Add chocolate chips. Spoon out onto ungreased cookie sheet, eating approximately 1/3 of the batter in the process. Bake. 10 minutes of prep. Fifteen if you include washing up. It is fun. It is easy. It builds character. No cow poop. If you can't handle this, then just buy a bag of Chips Ahoy.

CIA Hiring Failed Wall Street Analysts

Word on the street is that the CIA has put out a call to unemployed Wall Street flunkies. The Agency says that Langley has been flooded with applications.

The CIA claims that they are looking with expertise in economic analysis to help them predict the next global financial meltdown. Given the utter failure of these very same people to do anything of the sort, we can only hope that the real mission is to covertly place them in powerful positions in the banking and finance industries of our worst enemies.

Zicam Blows Away Sense Of Smell

The FDA has just issued a warning about the homeopathic "remedy" Zicam nasal gel. Turns out, the purported cold remedy frequently permanently destroys one's sense of smell (the company has received at least 600 complaints so far). Given that someone with a stuffed up nose can't smell much anyway, losing one of the primary five senses doesn't seem like much of a benefit. Maybe they would have better luck advertising it as "relieving some of the side effects related to incontinence."

Normally, when the FDA issues one of these warnings, the company immediately implements a "voluntary" recall. But Zicam maker Matrixx (is this whole thing just a glitch in the Matrix?) is refusing to do so. I'm sure the fact that the company makes $40 million a year off of Zicam sales has nothing to do with it.

Since Zicam is sold as a homeopathic remedy, it didn't need FDA approval or safety testing to sell it. And it turns out that the FDA doesn't have the power to force a mandatory recall. The Bush administration had refused to give the agency this power saying it wasn't necessary. Folks in Obamaland appear to have a different approach. A bill to give the FDA this power is currently circulating in Congress.

In the meantime, try a hot shower, chicken soup, and plenty of rest.

Danger Lurks At Home

As bankrolls slim down and the unemployment rolls swell (hi Mike!), more people are likely to be spending time at home.

According to the people in white coats at WebMD, however, this is a bad idea. How bad? Let them count the ways.

Okay, they stopped counting at six.

1. Sponges will kill you. Throw your sponge into a centrifuge (or whatever it is scientists throw things into) and you'll likely discover E Coli, salmonella, and poop.

Most people clean their countertops and table after a meal with the one tool found in almost all kitchens: the sponge. In addition to sopping up liquids and other messes, the kitchen sponge commonly carries E. coli and fecal bacteria, as well as many other microbes. "It's the single dirtiest thing in your kitchen, along with a dishrag," says Tierno.

Ironically, the more you attempt to clean your countertops with a sponge, the more germs you're spreading around. "People leave [the sponge] growing and it becomes teaming with [millions of] bacteria, and that can make you sick and become a reservoir of other organisms that you cross-contaminate your countertops with, your refrigerator, and other appliances in the kitchen," Tierno explains.

Their recommendation: Bleach. Which is, of course, highly toxic.

My recommendation: Only eat at other people's houses, leaving your kitchen spotless.

2. Vacuuming. Regular vacuuming releases a storm cloud of dust and other fine particles into the air, triggering asthma attacks, soil erosion, and crop failure.

Their recommendation: Buy some fancy spancy vacuum for a gazillion dollars.

My recommendation: Stop vacuuming. Duh.

3. Sleeping with pillows and a mattress.

The average person sheds about 1.5 million skin cells per hour and perspires one quart every day even while doing nothing, says Tierno. The skin cells accumulate in our pillows and mattresses and dust mites grow and settle.

If that's not gross enough for you, Tierno explains that a mattress doubles in weight every 10 years because of the accumulation of human hair, bodily secretions, animal hair and dander, fungal mold and spores, bacteria, chemicals, dust, lint, fibers, dust mites, insect parts, and a variety of particulates, including dust mite feces. After five years, 10% of the weight of a pillow is dust mites. This is what you're inhaling while you sleep.

"What you're sleeping on can exacerbate your allergies or your asthma," says Tierno.

Their recommendation: Put some giant bags over your bed. And wash your sheets once a week (seriously).

My recommendation: Sleep on the couch or in your car.

4. Grilling meats. Okay, they must have read my post from April. Basically, the fat drips down causing cancer to spray all over your burger.

Their recommendation:

"Limiting your outdoor cooking, using tin foil, or microwaving the meat first is a sensible precaution," says Michael Thun, MD. He is emeritus vice president for epidemiology and surveillance research with the American Cancer Society.

My recommendation: Don't ever invite Michael Thun, MD, to your barbecue.

5. Opening your windows. Outside air pollution will kill you. Inside air pollution will kill you even faster.

Their recommendation: Run the air conditioner and keep the windows shut. The a/c will filter out the cancer dust, although the really deadly stuff will sneak in and kill you anyway.

My recommendation: Start smoking. Cigarette smoke will kill off the dust mites.

6. Watching TV. Americans are fat and lazy. It is the fault of the tv.

Their recommendation: Turn off the tv, put down the junk food, and go for a walk.

My recommendation: Get an old tv that uses an antenna. The US is switching to digital tvs on Friday. Without a converter box, your old tv won't get any reception.