Bed Bug Apocolypse

The bed bug epidemic has reached epidemic proportions. The jury is still out, however, as to whether the world is ending because it is being overrun with bed bugs, or if humans will end the world in order to get rid of them.

This is the story so far:

• Bed bugs used to be a problem.


• Then we began covering the world in nasty toxic chemicals like DDT, and bed bugs were not a problem.


• But we were killing all other living creatures on the planet along with the bedbugs, so we stopped with the DDT.


• Then, 50 years or so later, all the bedbugs started coming back.


• The government basically advises barricading yourself in your home, avoiding contact with other humans, and sleeping in a bug zapper.


• If you find bedbugs in your home, you should abandon your home and all your possessions (which most of us are doing anyway because of the economic crisis), remove all your clothing, and move into a hermetically sealed bubble.

Unfortunately, according to media reports, people with bed bug infestations are starting to douse their houses with toxic chemicals or kerosene. Not a good idea.

In Cincinnati, an unlicensed applicator saturated an apartment complex in June with an agricultural pesticide typically used on golf courses. Seven tenants got sick and were treated at the hospital. The property was quarantined, and all tenants were forced to move. Authorities are pursuing criminal charges.

...

Authorities around the country have blamed house fires on people misusing all sorts of highly flammable garden and lawn chemicals to fight bedbugs. Experts also warn that some hardware products - bug bombs, cedar oil and other natural oils - claim to be lethal but merely cause the bugs to scatter out of sight and hide in cracks in walls and floors.