Worried Dad

Packing Your Kids' School Lunch Will Kill Them

2011-08-26T11:44:00.005-04:00

School lunches are vile and dangerous things that are leading our children down the path of obesity and certain death from cancer before they reach the tender age of 100. That much is a given. So what's a responsible parent to do? Pack your own kid's lunch of course.

Please, though, no peanut butter or any nut products. No violent characters on the lunch box. Actually, the lunch box itself is probably infested with lead and the plastic containers are dripping with BPA.

According to new research by people in white coats, well-meaning parents are unintentionally (perhaps) sending their little ones off to an early grave, or at least the nurse's office, because the lunches are not kept at the proper temperature.

Researchers at the University of Texas (official motto: "Meat Is A Vegetable") report that

More than 90 percent of sack lunches prepared at home and sent with kids to preschool were kept at unsafe temperatures, a new study by nutritional scientists at The University of Texas at Austin found.

The study will be published in the September 2011 issue of Pediatrics and was published online Aug. 8.

"Parents need to be aware of how important the storage temperature is for foods they pack for their young children," said Fawaz Almansour, a graduate student in the Department of Nutritional Sciences and lead author of the research.

The best storage temperature is below 40 degrees Fahrenheit for cold foods and above 140 degrees for hot foods. Between 40 and 140 degrees is the "danger zone."

Study authors suggest that parents and the public need to be educated on safe food packing practices in order to prevent bacteria from growing and potentially causing illness.

Almansour and his colleagues, including Professor Margaret Briley and postdoctoral researcher Sara Sweitzer, collected data on sack lunches from more than 700 preschoolers at nine Texas child care centers. The lunches were measured with noncontact temperature guns [Worried Dad note: They sure do love their guns in Texas] one and one-half hours before the food was served.

They found that while 45 percent of the lunches studied had at least one ice pack, 39 percent had no supplemental ice packs. Even including lunches with ice packs, 88 percent were at room temperature. Less than 2 percent of lunches with perishable items were found to be in a safe temperature zone, while more than 90 percent (even with multiple ice packs) were kept at unsafe temperatures. [Worried Dad note: basically, we're screwed.]

Perishable items studied included meats, cheeses and vegetables. Prepackaged foods produced by manufacturers were not included in the study.

"The simple addition of one extra icepack could have prevented many of the perishable items in lunches from reaching the danger zone," wrote the researchers in their study.

They go on to say that the addition of two or more icepacks in lunches could help prevent food-borne illness in children.

In an aside, inadvertently picked up because they didn't realize their mikes were still plugged in, one of the researchers was overheard muttering "I never realized how much parents hate their kids. I mean, just one ice pack could save all those kids in there. What a loss."

Your kid's car seat is giving her cancer

2011-05-23T21:02:00.004-04:00

According to people in White Coats, a chemical used to make all sorts of baby-related things flame resistant, from car seats to high chairs, is suspected of causing cancer.

From the New York Times:

The new research found that foam samples from more than a third of the 101 baby products that were tested contained chlorinated Tris. Over all, 80 of the products contained chemical flame retardants of some kind, some of which are considered toxic, though legal to use. In one instance, flame retardants represented 12 percent of the weight of the foam in a changing pad; most products were closer to 3 to 5 percent.

Among the products examined were changing table pads, sleep positioners, portable mattresses, baby carriers, rocking chairs and highchairs.

Fourteen of the products contained the flame retardant TCEP, which the State of California describes as a cancer-causing agent. Four of them contained Penta-BDE, a flame retardant that builds up in human tissue and that manufacturers voluntarily phased out in 2004; it is banned in many countries, but not the United States, and in some states, including New York.

"Why do you need fire retardant in a nursing pillow?" said Dr. Blum, who is the executive director of the Green Science Policy Institute, a nonprofit organization that brings scientific data about toxic chemicals to policy makers.

"The whole issue is, they are toxic chemicals that are in our homes at high levels; and right now, people don’t know much about it," she said.

But what if a mother accidentally sets her cigarette on her nursing pillow while she reaches for her margarita? What about that????

Last year, California exempted strollers, nursing pillows and baby carriers from the flammability standard. Dr. Blum characterized the exemption as a positive step, though she noted that many other baby products were not exempted and it was not yet clear if manufacturers had stopped using flame retardants in those products.

Dr. Blum is among a group of academics and environmentalists who argue that the California standard exposes people and their pets to toxic chemicals. The flame retardants can migrate from furniture to household dust, and can be ingested by people and pets.

Some of the chemicals used in flame retardants are suspected carcinogens, and studies have linked the chemicals to variety of health issues, including problems with fertility and neurological development, the authors of Wednesday's journal article said.

Heather M. Stapleton, an assistant professor of environmental chemistry at Duke University and the lead author, complained that current federal oversight of chemicals is so weak that manufacturers are not required to label products with flame retardants nor are they required to list what chemicals are used.

Under current law, it is difficult for the federal Environmental Protection Agency to ban or restrict chemicals. Even now, the agency has yet to ban asbestos, widely known to cause cancer and other lung diseases.

"We can buy things that are BPA free, or phthalate free or lead free. We don’t have the choice to buy things that are flame-retardant free," Dr. Stapleton said. "The laws protect the chemical industry, not the general public."

When can we start buying baby products that will spontaneously combust in a cloud of cancer?

Million Dollar Apps

2011-02-22T17:27:00.004-05:00

Remember the old bumper sticker that says "I'm spending my kids' inheritance"? Turns out that the little rugrats are turning the tables and spending our retirement money. But instead of spending it all at the local head shop like ~~I did~~ my friends did, kids these days are blowing them all on Apps for their smart phones.

According to the Washington Post,

Over the winter break from school, 8-year-old Madison worked to dress up her simple mushroom home on the iPhone game Smurfs' Village. In doing so, she also amassed a $1,400 bill from Apple.

Consumeraffairs.com was raising alarms about this about two months before The Post got on the case. Of course, you could read all about it on The Post's own iPad App for just $3.99 a month.

Playboy Mansion Hit With Really Boring Illness

2011-02-13T00:19:00.004-05:00

What's the world coming to? People who have visited the Playboy Mansion are reporting that they have been struck by a disease, and it's just a respiratory illness. And they got it at a conference. Don't they understand that "social disease" is supposed to be a euphemism?

Plus, why do all these women have a great-grandpa fetish? Eww.

New York Times is worried your kid will bump into the coffee table

2010-12-30T22:58:00.002-05:00

For real.

They plastered it all over the Home and Garden section.

You can read the whole story here, but it's basically a long variation on this:

Do not be fooled. The coffee table means your children harm. And when it attacks, results can be ugly.

Last year, 143,070 children age 5 and younger visited emergency rooms after table accidents, according to estimates from the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission. Coffee tables, in particular, turn up in more than a quarter of the accident reports, in the commission’s sample count.

The safety commission recommends that parents install bumpers on the corners and edges of their tables. Do they work? Who knows? Perhaps style-savvy children can be repelled by things that are ugly and made of foam.

Coming next week: It's all fun and games until somebody pokes their eye out!

Alcohol will kill you dead or save your life

2010-11-05T14:49:00.004-04:00

A new study by people in white coats reports that alcohol is more destructive than crack or heroin. According to the study in the British medical journal The Lancet (typical Brits to name a medical journal after a "small and extremely sharp bladed instrument used for surgery or anatomical dissection") alcohol outranked such sentimental favorites as heroin, crystal meth, marijuana cigarettes (or whatever those damn hippies are calling them these days), and crack.

While some on the list were more harmful than alcohol to the health of the individual user, booze outranked them all when you combined the negative impacts to both the individual and society.

Hungover readers of Worried Dad may have a hazy recollection of my post about two months ago that Not drinking alcohol can kill you.

Interestingly, LSD was ranked as pretty benign overall, leading study author T. Francis Leary to suggest that we all start dropping acid instead of Jagerbombs.

BPA to sperm: DROP DEAD

2010-10-28T14:41:00.005-04:00

According to the latest reports from people in White Coats, workers in Chinese factories that process BPA-laden products had two to four times lower quality sperm, including lower sperm counts, than workers in factories that don't deal with BPA. Those with the worst sperm also had the highest levels of BPA.

The report was published by the Journal of Fertility and Sterility. Oddly, the article The impact of luteal phase support on gene expression of extracellular matrix protein and adhesion molecules in the human endometrium during the window of implantation following controlled ovarian stimulation with a GnRH antagonist protocol, also in the current issue, hasn't generated any press coverage.

Asked to comment on the possibility that BPA can lower sperm counts, study author Dr. De-Kun Li simply responded "That can't be good."

BPA apologist and spokesperson for the American Chemistry Council Stephen Hentges probably had the same thought. However, he is quoted in media reports as saying "This study of Chinese workers with high exposure to BPA is of limited relevance to consumers who, by contrast, are exposed to only very low levels of BPA."

"I mean is there really an American consumer who worries about the welfare of factory workers who make their cheap consumer crap?" Hentges inferred but did not actually say.

Li, who isn't on the BPA industry payroll had this to say:

"When you see this kind of association with semen you have to wonder what else BPA has an effect on," says Li. As a precautionary principle, he adds, "Everybody should avoid BPA as much as you can."

Toxic Face Paint No Fun For Kids

2010-10-26T15:24:00.005-04:00

Back in the day when Worried Dad was just Worried Kid, the biggest Halloween scare was the biggest thing we were afraid of was someone sticking a razor blade in an apple. Even though Snopes.com says there was some bits of truth behind these rumors, what kid in their right mind would eat an apple on Halloween?

Now the all-knowing Yahoo newsdesk has reminded us of a more modern worry: toxic face paint.

Besides the obvious warnings, like not dipping your candy in face paint, the FDA has these helpful tips:

Read ingredient lists and don't buy any product that has non-approved colors. The FDA lists coloring agents approved for use in cosmetics. Worried Dad note: Laminate the FDA's fun 217 item chart and carry it with you every time you go shopping.

Don't use products with fluorescent colors (D&C Orange No. 5, No. 10, and No. 11; D&C Red No. 21, No. 22, No. 27 and No. 28; and D&C Yellow No. 7) near the eyes. Worried Dad note: Turn these colors and numbers into a limerick to make them easier to remember.

Don't use luminescent (glow-in-the-dark) colors (zinc sulfide) near your eyes. Worried Dad note: This may lead your child to permanently glow in the dark.

Before using older products, check it against these two May 2009 recall notices for Fun Express children's face paints. Worried Dad note: How can a product called Fun Express be bad?

What's a worried parent to do? Two suggestions:

Use a mask (free of BPA, of course). Except the stupid rubber bands that hold them up always break 20 minutes into the night.

Just cover their faces in chocolate. Everybody wins!

Sour candy will kill your kid's teeth

2010-10-23T17:22:00.004-04:00

Contrary to conventional wisdom, it turns out that candy is actually bad for your teeth, especially if it tastes good.

Studies by people in white coats from a few years ago (but recycled every year near the end of October for some reason) highlight the findings that sour candy (e.g. Sour Patch Kids, sour worms, sour Nerds, sour gummy vitamins -- okay, basically the word "sour" should be a tipoff) is as corrosive to the teeth of young children as battery acid.

The effects are particularly bad for baby teeth and adult teeth until they have been around for at least 10 years (you know, basically when you lose any desire to eat them)..

White Coat experts say that if a sour candy (with any kind of acid on the ingredient list: citric, lactic, malic, tartaric, fumaric, adipic, and ascorbic) should touch your child's mouth, DO NOT BRUSH THEIR TEETH right away. Either wash their mouth with water, or have them drink a glass of milk.

The good folks at the California Dental Hygienists Association (official motto: "You're not flossing regularly, are you?") suggests the following tactics:

"This Halloween, we are advising adults to think twice about buying sour candies for trick-or-treaters," said Erika Feltham, a Registered Dental Hygienist and CDHA member who has studied this issue for more than a decade. "We also are encouraging parents to comb through their child's bag at the end of the night to remove sour acid candies and replace them with a small piece of non-sour sugarless candy or gum."

Yeah, that'll work!

This kind of reminds Worried Dad about Cinderella's first couple of Halloweens. Basically Worried Mom and I dressed her up in really cute costumes, scored big time on the candy, and then ate it all as soon as she was asleep.

Celery will kill you

2010-10-22T17:41:00.004-04:00

Worried Dad's daughter, Cinderella, has long contended that she is allergic to vegetables. Turns out she might be right.

Back in March, the Environmental Working Group declared that conventionally grown (i.e. NOT organic) celery topped their supermarket "dirty dozen." This means that with every bite of those crunchy green stalks, you are walking a chemical-laden path to a cancerous pesticide induced death.

Now, killer celery has claimed multiple victims in Texas: the count so far is 4 dead and two more sick. But the numbers are sure to rise. The culprit this time is listeriosis, a nasty little bacterium.

Okay kid, you can have a side of chocolate tonight.

Stink Bug Invasion

2010-09-29T16:13:00.003-04:00

Just when we thought that the end of the world was coming thanks to staph infections and bedbugs, now it turns out that stink bugs are in the running for "Pest of the Apocalypse." Well, at least if you happen to be an apple.

While the bugs don't bite or carry diseases, they do emit a foul odor if squashed. There may even be a connection between this feature and their name, but I'm still working this out.

The bugs do like to nosh on peaches, apples, soybeans, corn, and ornamental shrubs and trees. Farmers are not amused.

According to the Washington Post, stink bugs appear to be one of the four insects of the Apocalypse, or a Cuban revolutionary conspiracy, or something:

"This is the vanguard," said Mike Raupp, a University of Maryland entomologist and extension specialist. "I think this is going to be biblical this year," he said. "You're going to hear a collective wail in the Washington area, up through Frederick and Allegany counties, like you've never heard before. The [bug] populations are just through the ceiling."

As with bedbugs, the Post reports (without any actual sources) that distraught homeowners are resorting to "burning them with propane torches."

The bugs seem to have arrived as illegal immigrants from Asia over a decade ago, and have since spread to 29 states.

Authorities recommend that homeowners stop bathing so that they won't notice the smell from the bugs if they accidentally step on any as they flee from their burning homes.

Some media reports have noted that the bugs are a delicacy when eaten in tacos in parts of Mexico. Stink Bug Tacos -- I think I have the name of my next band.

tweetle beetle bottle puddle paddle battle recall muddle

2010-09-23T16:19:00.002-04:00

When you put a beetle in baby bottle, you get a recall by a lab named Abbott:

WASHINGTON -- Drugmaker Abbott Laboratories said Wednesday it is recalling millions of containers of its best-selling Similac infant formula that may be contaminated with insect parts.

The voluntary action affects up to 5 million Similac-brand powder formulas sold in the U.S., Puerto Rico, Guam and some Caribbean countries. The company said the products may contain a small beetle or larvae, which could cause stomach ache and digestion problems.

The recall does not affect any liquid formulas or other Abbott-brand products.

A company spokeswoman said Abbott uncovered the insects last week in one section of a manufacturing plant in Sturgis, Michigan.

Good thing they don't sell noodles.

Superbugs will kill you part three: It came from India

2010-09-14T19:10:00.006-04:00

As reported back in 2008 by Worried Dad, the MRSA staph infection has been called a superbug that appears to be resistant to all known antibiotics, except fire.

Then just a few weeks ago, this blog reported on the spread of a new superbug, c. diff, another nasty bug that will be stopped by nothing in its quest to kill you dead.

If anyone is still alive enough to read this, it appears that there is a new contender for "the microorganism that will destroy humanity" comes to us from India -- or does it??

In a challenge to the "there is no bad publicity" maxim, the new superbug has been given the name "New Delhi metallo-beta-lactamase," or NDM-1. New Delhians are not amused, and point out that the bug is really a close match to another superbug that's been making the rounds of US hospitals and back alleys for quite some time.

However, a spate of infected patients that appear to have originated in India have been spreading the stuff around the globe. It seems that globe-trotting healthcare bargain hunters have been going to India for cheap operations, getting some NDM-1 as a free souvenir, and then spreading Armageddon to the four corners of the Earth.

Basically, the NDM-1 stuff is resistant to all known antibiotics. People in White Coats blame other people in White Coats for over-prescribing antibiotics when we didn't need them, and now we need them, but they don't work anymore and we're all going to die. Also, you should wash your hands a lot and bathe nightly in Purell.

Aiming laser pointer at your eye can burn your eye out

2010-09-09T14:57:00.004-04:00

In an article in the New England Journal of Medicine, a very worried man in a white coat is warning about the latest craze turning the world's children to piles of ashes: super powerful laser pointers.

According to the wire reports:

A 15-year-old boy damaged his eyes while playing with a laser pointer he'd bought over the Internet, say doctors who warn that dangerously high-powered versions are easily available online.

One eye expert called it "a legitimate public health menace."

The boy's case is reported in Thursday's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine by doctors who treated him at the Lucerne Cantonal Hospital in Switzerland.

It follows two reports in June of similar accidents. British doctors said a teenager damaged his eyes with a high-powered laser pointer, and a British physician said his vision was affected for several months after he was zapped by his 7-year-old son.

The lasers used in these incidents were of the European persuasion, and exceed the firepower of those allowed in the United States. However, the high-powered eye blasters can be found on the Internet.

The FDA has warned in the past that it has found laser pointers and toys that exceed the output limit of 5 milliwatts - five-thousandths of a watt. It rarely collects reports of eye-damage incidents like the case in Switzerland, said FDA health promotion officer Dan Hewett, so it's not clear how often they happen.

His agency recommends that consumers make sure laser pointer labels carry a designation of Class IIIa or lower, along with a statement of compliance with Chapter 21 CFR. Hewett suggests consumers should look on the label to make sure the power output is no more than 5 milliwatts, or 5 mW.

But he stressed that even a laser product that meets those conditions can cause eye damage if a person stares into the beam long enough.

"Just because it says 5 mW and Class IIIa, FDA is not saying you can grab this laser and stare at it," he said.

Researchers are still determining what the point of buying a laser is if you can't stare at it.

Reusable shopping bags will kill you

2010-09-03T15:54:00.003-04:00

A recent study by some guys in white coats at the University of Arizona warns that those nifty reusable shopping bags (like the 20 or so I have in my trunk) are teaming with bacteria.

The researchers tested 84 bags collected from shoppers in Tucson, Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay Area and found that just over half were contaminated with potentially harmful bacteria. Twelve percent of the bags contained E. coli, which indicates possible fecal matter and more dangerous pathogens.

According to the study co-author Charles Gerba, using a reusable bag is on a par with having your family play Russian Roulette (how do those Russian casinos keep attracting customers anyway?):

Well, it's sort of a random chance," he said. "Sometimes, there may be enough. Sometimes, there may be not. You're really always gambling with germs."

The biggest problems arise from people stuffing dripping hunks of raw meat into their bags and then leaving them in the trunk for a while.

Unacceptable alternatives include chopping down forests to create paper bags, and despoiling our pristine wetlands with offshore oil drilling to make toxic plastic bags. The study authors (who, incidentally, got $30k from the American Chemistry Council to conduct their research), recommend soaking bags overnight in Purell, or just skipping the bags entirely and stealing the store's shopping carts.

Your kitchen is a lethal weapon

2010-09-02T17:06:00.000-04:00

Even if you've thrown out the eggs, it's still not safe to go back into the kitchen.

According to news reports, the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health surveyed thousands of home cooks and concluded "Yuck!"

According to the report, discussed in my favorite Center for Disease Control magazine, Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, one out of seven home kitchens would not get a passing grade if they were a restaurant. Only 61 percent of homes would get a grade of B or higher.

According to the report:

An estimated 87 million cases of food-borne illness occur in the United States each year, including 371,000 hospitalizations and 5,700 deaths, according to an Associated Press calculation that uses a CDC formula and recent population estimates.

Many outbreaks that receive publicity are centered on people who got sick after eating at a restaurant, catered celebration or large social gathering. In this summer's outbreak linked to salmonella in eggs, several illnesses were first identified in clusters among restaurant patrons.

But experts believe the bulk of food poisonings are unreported illnesses from food prepared at home.

Not drinking alcohol can kill you

2010-09-01T17:23:00.001-04:00

Just when you thought it was safe to get on the wagon, new research by people in White Coats suggests that people who abstain completely from alcohol are more likely to die early from heart disease and diabetes than moderate drinkers.

The report, Late-Life Alcohol Consumption and 20-Year Mortality by Charles J. Holahan, Kathleen K. Schutte, Penny L. Brennan, Carole K. Holahan, Bernice S. Moos, and Rudolf H. Moos (with an acknowledgment to the friendly barkeeps at O'Dooley's Pub), published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, shows that moderate drinkers age 55 to 65 had significantly lower mortality rates than tea-totalers, and much lower than car-totalers. The findings held true even when adjusting for socioeconomic factors and other variables.

Apparently, the effect holds true regardless of what your, um, poison (?) is, according to an article in Slate.

I knew all those years of clean living would be the death of me.

Bed Bug Apocolypse

2010-08-31T12:29:00.003-04:00

The bed bug epidemic has reached epidemic proportions. The jury is still out, however, as to whether the world is ending because it is being overrun with bed bugs, or if humans will end the world in order to get rid of them.

This is the story so far:

Bed bugs used to be a problem.

Then we began covering the world in nasty toxic chemicals like DDT, and bed bugs were not a problem.

But we were killing all other living creatures on the planet along with the bedbugs, so we stopped with the DDT.

Then, 50 years or so later, all the bedbugs started coming back.

The government basically advises barricading yourself in your home, avoiding contact with other humans, and sleeping in a bug zapper.

If you find bedbugs in your home, you should abandon your home and all your possessions (which most of us are doing anyway because of the economic crisis), remove all your clothing, and move into a hermetically sealed bubble.

Unfortunately, according to media reports, people with bed bug infestations are starting to douse their houses with toxic chemicals or kerosene. Not a good idea.

In Cincinnati, an unlicensed applicator saturated an apartment complex in June with an agricultural pesticide typically used on golf courses. Seven tenants got sick and were treated at the hospital. The property was quarantined, and all tenants were forced to move. Authorities are pursuing criminal charges.

...

Authorities around the country have blamed house fires on people misusing all sorts of highly flammable garden and lawn chemicals to fight bedbugs. Experts also warn that some hardware products - bug bombs, cedar oil and other natural oils - claim to be lethal but merely cause the bugs to scatter out of sight and hide in cracks in walls and floors.

Superbugs will kill you in the hospital

2010-08-25T14:47:00.005-04:00

Just when you thought the only kind of super bug that hospitals were trying to kill you with was Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), it turns out that they are adding a new one to the mix: Clostridium difficile, or C. diff as we say in the 'hood.

The Washington Post reports that C. diff is sickening about 3 million people a year, usually after they visit a hospital or clinic.

According to the article:

It can cause severe diarrhea and inflammation of the colon. It is deadly in up to one in 40 cases, particularly when it strikes the elderly and infirm, and contributes to 15,000 to 30,000 deaths annually, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Recent studies have shown a 25% higher incidence of C. diff than the better-known and more publicity savvy MRSA in 28 community hospitals tested by people in White Coats.

Once again, the main culprits appear to be over-prescription of antibiotics, and hospital staff not washing their hands:

According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, the C. diff germ has been cultured from bed rails, floors, toilets and windowsills, and it can remain in hospital rooms for up to 40 days after infected patients have been discharged. Health-care workers can hasten the spread. One study found C. diff on the hands of almost 60 percent of doctors and nurses caring for infected patients - a percentage experts said could be reduced dramatically if they washed their hands thoroughly with soap and water between patients.

Acetaminophin could give your kid asthma

2010-08-24T15:35:00.005-04:00

According to the latest reports by people in White Coats, new studies suggest a correlation between kids who take acetaminophen (aka Tylenol) and kids who develop asthma.

According to a pair of reports in the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine (slogan "Home of breath-taking research!"), there seems to be growing evidence that giving kids acetaminophen can increase the odds that a kid will develop asthma or other breathing trouble.

In one study, researchers followed 1,000 Ethiopian tots for three years.:

When the toddlers turned one, the researchers asked the mothers if their babies had breathing problems, and how much acetaminophen they had used.

About eight percent of the kids began to wheeze between ages one and three. Those who had been given acetaminophen during their first year -- before they had breathing trouble -- had up to seven times the odds of developing wheezing.

That increase held even after adjusting for fever and coughs, which in principle could have triggered both the wheezing and the use of painkillers.

Another study following 320,000 teens in 50 countries found that kids who took acetaminophin at least once a month doubled their odds of developing asthma, and seems to be associated with other breathing problems.

However, researchers helpfully point out that there may not be any good alternatives if your kid is in suffering. Ibuprofen (aka Advil), is not recommended if your kid already has asthma (although there nothing to suggest that it might do harm if your kid doesn't have asthma already), and aspirin is generally frowned upon.

Two popular alternative treatments include telling the kid "I'll give you something to cry about" and Worried Dad's brother's favorite method of pinching them really hard somewhere other than where they are currently feeling pain.

Bad eggs! Very bad eggs!

2010-08-20T16:58:00.003-04:00

Chickens appear to have begun a massive uprising by infecting our nation's eggs with salmonella.

According to authorities, the rebel chickens are using two farms in Iowa that are the source for gazillions of infected eggs sent to stores in at least 59 states. The hens have funneled the tainted eggs through 87,000 front businesses that pretend to be from local farms.

Anyone finding eggs in their house should immediately call authorities and stomp the eggs on their kitchen floors before eating.

According to the rebel chicken leader, the felonious fowl demands include: The right to be shaken, but not baked, and the ability to cross the road without being interrogated.

Going to the gym will kill you

2010-08-19T18:07:00.000-04:00

[The people in the above photo were found dead moments after this picture were taken]

My two main reasons for canceling my gym membership were that I was broke and I got tired of being a straight guy surrounded by naked men in the locker room. Plus, I'm lazy.

Thankfully, people in White Coats (working for people in running shorts) have given me a better reason: gyms are covered in nasty germs.

As the staid "Gray Lady" herself, the New York Times, soberly put it:

When you go to the gym, do you wash your hands before and after using the equipment? Bring your own regularly cleaned mat for floor exercises? Shower with antibacterial soap and put on clean clothes immediately after your workout? Use only your own towels, razors, bar soap, water bottles?

If you answered "no" to any of the above, you could wind up with one of the many skin infections that can spread like wildfire in athletic settings.

Well, sure, you say, that's why they call it athlete's foot, after all. What's the big deal? Well, that's what some guy you've never heard of thought, pal:

And if you think skin problems are minor, consider what happened to Kyle Frey, a 21-year-old junior and competitive wrestler at Drexel University in Philadelphia.

Mr. Frey noticed a pimple on his arm last winter but thought little of it. He competed in a match on a Saturday, but by the next morning the pimple had grown to the size of his biceps and had become very painful.

His athletic trainer sent him straight to the emergency room, where the lesion was lanced and cultured. Two days later, he learned he had MRSA, the potentially deadly staphylococcus infection that is resistant to most antibiotics.

Mr. Frey spent five days in the hospital, where the lesion was surgically cleaned and stitched and treated with antibiotics that cleared the infection. He said in an interview that he does not know how he acquired MRSA: "The wrestling mat might have been contaminated, or I wrestled with someone who had the infection."

If it could happen to Mr. Frey, who said he has always been health-conscious in the gym and careful about not sharing his belongings, it could happen to you.

According to the CDC, if you insist on going to the gym, you are advised to wear a full body protective suit, refrain from touching anything, and keep a bottle of alcohol-based disinfectant to spray at anyone who comes within ten feet of you.

B Vitamins won't prevent death

2010-08-13T11:56:00.006-04:00

According to the latest reports from people in White Coats, taking vitamin B, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, or folic acid supplements won't prevent heart attacks, as previous research had suggested.

It's unclear whether getting vitamins through food still does any good (Worried Dad's daughter, Cinderella, believes that vitamins only come in ice cream), and even if they do, they don't even have as much vitamins as they used to.

Sitting will kill you

2010-01-21T20:12:00.002-05:00

According to the latest study by people in White Coats at the Swedish School of Sport and Health Sciences (inventors of the Swedish Bikini Team), people who sit in chairs all day die faster and more gruesome deaths than people who don't. According to lab rat Elin Ekblom-Bak, "After four hours of sitting, the body starts to send harmful signals." She explained that genes regulating the amount of glucose and fat in the body start to shut down. People who sit, whether at home, in the car, or at work, are more likely to be fat, have heart trouble, and die early deaths than those who don't sit.

"No problem!" you say. "I often get up from my chair and walk to the water cooler to discuss the latest happenings with my office chums. I must be in the clear!" Sorry pal. You're still dead. Even a twenty-mile jog to the office won't do you any good. According to the Swedes, you'll just have a more muscular corpse as you lie decomposing next to the other ex-desk monkeys.

Interestingly, the inscrutable ex-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld may have had a key breakthrough about this problem years ago. In the wake of the revelations about US-military torturing prisoners at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay, Rumsfeld was widely criticized for pooh-poohing one particular practice -- forcing prisoners to stand for hours at a time. According to declassified documents, Rumsfeld wrote on the margins of one torture memo "I stand for 8-10 hours a day," Rummy scrawled. "Why is standing limited to four hours?" Who knew he was just looking out for their health?

Bisphenol A Now In Cans!

2009-11-03T23:12:00.002-05:00

I've previously reported on that nasty stuff Bisphenol A (also known as BPA) that poison-mongers like to slip into plastic stuff like baby bottles.

Since I can never remember which number on the bottom of my cereal bowl is supposed to be okay, and which is supposed to consign me and my offspring to a slow, torturous death, I have switched the family to eating everything out of tin cans (well, aluminum).

Bad move.

According to a new study by people in White Coats at Consumer Reports, the

latest tests of canned foods, including soups, juice, tuna, and green beans, have found that almost all of the 19 name-brand foods we tested contain some BPA. The canned organic foods we tested did not always have lower BPA levels than nonorganic brands of similar foods analyzed. We even found the chemical in some products in cans that were labeled "BPA-free."

Now if you can't trust a label on a can, what can you trust???

According to the Civil Eats blog,

Federal guidelines currently put the daily upper limit of safe exposure at 50 micrograms of BPA per kilogram of body weight. But that level is based on a handful of experiments done in the 1980s rather than hundreds of more recent animal and laboratory studies indicating that serious health risks could result from much lower doses of BPA. Several animal studies show adverse effects, such as abnormal reproductive development, at exposures of 2.4 micrograms of BPA per kilogram of body weight per day, a dose that could be reached by a child eating one or a few servings daily or an adult daily diet that includes multiple servings of canned foods containing BPA levels comparable to some of the foods Consumer Reports tested.

And then

Given the new findings, Consumers Union sent a letter to Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Commissioner Margaret Hamburg reiterating its request that the agency act this year to ban the use of BPA in food- and beverage-contact materials. FDA is expected to announce the findings of its most recent reassessment of the safety of BPA by the end of this month. Bills are currently pending in Congress that would ban the use of BPA in all food and beverage containers. Industry has been waging a fight against new regulations, and California Assembly members recently voted not to ban BPA from feeding products for children under three.

Consumer Reports is advising those who are concerned that they might be able to reduce, though not necessarily eliminate, their dietary exposure to BPA by taking the following steps:

Choose fresh food whenever possible.
Consider alternatives to canned food, beverages, juices, and infant formula.
Use glass containers when heating food in microwave ovens.

Wouldn't it just be simpler to lock regulators and lawmakers in a room with nothing to eat nothing but bisphenol-laden food until they ban this stuff?

Your showerhead is spraying you with bacteria

2009-09-17T18:19:00.004-04:00

Sometimes it seems that researchers just want to mess with the heads of OCD germaphobes. Case in point: People in White Coats at the University of Colorado at Boulder looked at the gunk inside of showerheads in 45 sites around the United States. They put the showerheads inside a big centrifuge (or whatever it is scientists do) and discovered that every time you shower, you are covering yourself in filth.

It turns out that the showerheads had seven billion microbes per square liter -- or about ten times the number found in tap water. It gets worse. The microbes that the Boulder gunkologists looked at included teeming masses of Mycobacterium avium, which besides having a scary sounding Latin name and being written in italics, can cause respiratory illness.

The good news is that the microbes are harmless if swallowed (like in tap water) unless they are turned into an aerosol mist and inhaled... like, you know, when you're taking a shower (eep! eep! eep!)

Experts recommend the following steps:

* Switch to metal showerheads (the problem only appears in plastic ones).

* Hold your breath for the entire duration of your shower.

* Take baths (the soap scum appears to counteract the evil bacteria).

* Fill your water tanks with Purell.

* Go French and stop bathing altogether.

It's all downhill from here

2009-09-15T10:16:00.004-04:00

I was born 39 years ago today. My own beloved Dad was 39 that day.

The above photo was unearthed by one of the middle school classmates that seem to make up about 70% of my Facebook friends today.

And now for today's public service announcement on aging...

According to a couple of people in white coats at the University of Virginia, your brain starts to deteriorate at the age of 27. In a series of cognitive tests on 2,000 healthy people aged 18-60, researchers found that people aged 22 scored the highest, and saw a significant downward spiral into blubbering idiocy starting at age 27. People started doing noticeably more poorly on memory tests starting at age 37.

Did I mention that today is my birthday? Note to self: write about this on the blog.

Obesity Epidemic Strikes Kid-Friendly Burros

2009-08-31T17:14:00.003-04:00

In Spanish, the word "burrito" means "little donkey". The town of Oatman, Arizona, is having a different kind of donkey problem. It seems that one of the key attractions in the old mining town is that a lot of donkeys freely roam the streets. And since every kid who walks by can't resist handing out carrots and other goodies, those asses are now getting very fat.

The Bureau of Land Management is stepping in with a campaign to stop the wonton (oops, wanton) feeding of the animals.

Beware of Sandals and Candles

2009-08-21T16:58:00.005-04:00

Thinking about a romantic candlelit dinner or a walk on the beach in flip flops? According to the latest research, you might as well just drink a bottle of cyanide and shoot yourself in the head.

Okay, not quite, but here are two worrisome items on candles and flip flops.

Item Numero Uno:

According to people in white coats at South Carolina State University, candles release "harmful fumes linked to lung cancer and asthma."

According to a report from the BBC:

Lead researcher Amid Hamidi said people who frequently used candles, for instance to help them relax in the bath or provide the right ambiance for dinner, were most at risk.

He told the American Chemical Society in Washington: "An occasional paraffin candle and its emissions will not likely affect you.

"But lighting many paraffin candles every day for years or lighting them frequently in an unventilated bathroom around a tub, for example, may cause problems."

The danger seems to result from the fact that the candles don't reach a high enough temperature to burn off the toxins. To avoid dying from candle-induced cancer, researchers recommend "smoking, alcohol, obesity, unhealthy diets, inactivity and heavy sun exposure."

Item Numero Dos:

According to White Coaters from EMSL Analytical in New York City, walking around in flip flops is not only a big fashion faux pas, but will, in all likelihood, kill you faster than several candlelit dinners for two in an enclosed space. At least in NYC.

According to a stolid report from the New York Daily News, "Flip-flops are a magnet for dangerous, deadly bacteria!!!!"

Two reporters wore flip flops around New York, taking subways, buses, and going to Coney Island. They then handed the flip flops to the lab boys, who then put them in a big centrifuge.

"The results? Pretty heinous."

Researchers found thousands of bacteria on the footwear. Sure, they were mostly harmless, but, they note, some came from people's mouths. The researchers speculate that this was a result of the reporters walking where someone had spit on the sidewalk, but then again, we all know how weird New Yorkers are. (I'm just saying).

True, the labsters didn't find anything like Staph aureus, but, they write, they could have. If, you know, you had an open sore on your foot, and, like, you stepped in something gross, and, like, it entered your blood, it could, you know, KILL YOU DEAD!!!

Obviously, if you are going to walk around New York City, you must dispose of your footwear after every outing.

More Scary Things In Your Garden

2009-08-11T22:42:00.003-04:00

Worried Dad's garden is doing very well, and if something is going well, then it's time to worry.

Item #1: Tomatoes and Potatoes are Getting Wiped Out

Tomato and potato crops throughout the Northeast US are getting decimated by Late Blight, a fungus that once caused the Irish Potato Famine.

Experts (or "Blightists") say that the fungus made its way to Northern gardens and fields through Big Box gardening centers. The unusually wet temperate weather created a perfect breeding ground for the fungus, which spread quickly as more people have turned to home gardens. Next year, start your tomatoes and potatoes from seed or get your starters from garden centers that buy from local farms.

Item #2: Don't Touch the Pretty Weeds

The next time you're about to tidy up the garden and pull up the weeds, you better be sure that you know the difference between Heracleum sphondylium (a nice ornamental plant known as Common Hogweed) and its evil twin Heracleum mantegazzianum (better known as Giant Hogweed). The latter has been spotted in backyards throughout the Northeast. Touching it "can cause skin sensitivity, burning blisters, and blackened scars if you are exposed to its toxic, watery sap."

Item #3: Plants Can Eat Meat

Intrepid botanists have discovered a hitherto unknown species of giant meat-eating plants in the central Philippines.

According to one of the botanical daredevils, "The plant is among the largest of all carnivorous plant species and produces spectacular traps as large as other species which catch not only insects, but also rodents as large as rats." Or, he might have added, small children.

While this plant was previously not a threat to human civilization, the botanists placed specimens in the herbarium of Palawan State University.

The needles and the damage done -- the trouble with Tamiflu

2009-07-31T15:44:00.005-04:00

New reports out of Merry Olde England are showing that half of all children taking the anti-swine flu drug Tamiflu are experiencing side effects such as nausea, insomnia, and nightmares.

The kids were given the drug to prevent them from getting infected after other kids in their kids had been diagnosed with swine flu (H1N1). The people in white coats who conducted the study note that although some of the reported side effects could be due to other illnesses, they were "unlikely to account for all the symptoms experienced".

The full story is here.

My New Favorite Website

2009-07-17T13:23:00.002-04:00

Let's Panic About Babies. You might think they're joking, but I'm not so sure.

I really like their sponsors too.

Danger In the Sand

2009-07-13T15:17:00.004-04:00

Despite rains here in Boston that could only make Noah happy, Summer is really here.

Before you relax and enjoy yourself in the usual ways, consider my earlier reports that grilling meat will kill you, your swimming pool will kill you, and the Sun will kill you. And don't even think about a staycation.

Ok, you say, why not just slather on 5 gallons of SPF 5000 sunblock and head to the beach?

Because the sand will kill you. Or at least make you sick. According to a study by some people in white coats, people who play in beach sand were 20-24 percent more likely to report gastrointestinal illness and diarrhea than those who just looked at it with horror and ran away.

Nestle Cookie-Gate Cover Up

2009-06-26T16:15:00.005-04:00

The Nestle cookie dough recall that has so far sickened 69 people and put 34 into the hospital --9 with kidney failure-- has taken an unexpected twist.

According to the Wall Street Journal, Nestle had denied access to FDA inspectors to its files of consumer complaints, pest-control records, and other information.

According to the full article (you have to have a subscription to access this), inspectors found "dirty equipment" and 3 "ant-like" creatures during a previous visit to the plant, but did not see fit to close the plant or require further action.

The FDA does not currently have the authority to force companies to provide such records except when they can prove that there is a grave immediate threat to public health. Congress is currently considering legislation to give the FDA this authority.

Forbes has more info here.

Nestle has recalled all raw cookie dough products that came from the suspect plant, but still continues to make pasta sauce and other non-cookie related products there.

Nestle Toll House Cookie Recall: C is for e. Coli

2009-06-24T17:36:00.004-04:00

There are two disturbing elements to the recall of Nestle Toll House Refrigerated Cookie Dough.

Wikipedia

E. coli O157:H7 infection often causes severe, acute bloody diarrhoea (although non-bloody diarrhoea is also possible) and abdominal cramps. Usually little or no fever is present, and the illness resolves in 5 to 10 days. It can also be asymptomatic.

In some people, particularly children under 5 years of age and the elderly, the infection can cause haemolytic uremic syndrome, in which the red blood cells are destroyed and the kidneys fail. About 2%–7% of infections lead to this complication. In the United States, haemolytic uremic syndrome is the principal cause of acute kidney failure in children, and most cases of haemolytic uremic syndrome are caused by E. coli O157:H7.

Pre-made

Mix flour and baking soda and set aside

CIA Hiring Failed Wall Street Analysts

2009-06-19T14:44:00.004-04:00

Word on the street is that the CIA has put out a call to unemployed Wall Street flunkies. The Agency says that Langley has been flooded with applications.

The CIA claims that they are looking with expertise in economic analysis to help them predict the next global financial meltdown. Given the utter failure of these very same people to do anything of the sort, we can only hope that the real mission is to covertly place them in powerful positions in the banking and finance industries of our worst enemies.

Zicam Blows Away Sense Of Smell

2009-06-17T17:12:00.004-04:00

The FDA has just issued a warning about the homeopathic "remedy" Zicam nasal gel. Turns out, the purported cold remedy frequently permanently destroys one's sense of smell (the company has received at least 600 complaints so far). Given that someone with a stuffed up nose can't smell much anyway, losing one of the primary five senses doesn't seem like much of a benefit. Maybe they would have better luck advertising it as "relieving some of the side effects related to incontinence."

Normally, when the FDA issues one of these warnings, the company immediately implements a "voluntary" recall. But Zicam maker Matrixx (is this whole thing just a glitch in the Matrix?) is refusing to do so. I'm sure the fact that the company makes $40 million a year off of Zicam sales has nothing to do with it.

Since Zicam is sold as a homeopathic remedy, it didn't need FDA approval or safety testing to sell it. And it turns out that the FDA doesn't have the power to force a mandatory recall. The Bush administration had refused to give the agency this power saying it wasn't necessary. Folks in Obamaland appear to have a different approach. A bill to give the FDA this power is currently circulating in Congress.

In the meantime, try a hot shower, chicken soup, and plenty of rest.

Danger Lurks At Home

2009-06-11T18:31:00.005-04:00

As bankrolls slim down and the unemployment rolls swell (hi Mike!), more people are likely to be spending time at home.

According to the people in white coats at WebMD, however, this is a bad idea. How bad? Let them count the ways.

Okay, they stopped counting at six.

1. Sponges will kill you. Throw your sponge into a centrifuge (or whatever it is scientists throw things into) and you'll likely discover E Coli, salmonella, and poop.

Most people clean their countertops and table after a meal with the one tool found in almost all kitchens: the sponge. In addition to sopping up liquids and other messes, the kitchen sponge commonly carries E. coli and fecal bacteria, as well as many other microbes. "It's the single dirtiest thing in your kitchen, along with a dishrag," says Tierno.

Ironically, the more you attempt to clean your countertops with a sponge, the more germs you're spreading around. "People leave [the sponge] growing and it becomes teaming with [millions of] bacteria, and that can make you sick and become a reservoir of other organisms that you cross-contaminate your countertops with, your refrigerator, and other appliances in the kitchen," Tierno explains.

Their recommendation: Bleach. Which is, of course, highly toxic.

My recommendation: Only eat at other people's houses, leaving your kitchen spotless.

2. Vacuuming. Regular vacuuming releases a storm cloud of dust and other fine particles into the air, triggering asthma attacks, soil erosion, and crop failure.

Their recommendation: Buy some fancy spancy vacuum for a gazillion dollars.

My recommendation: Stop vacuuming. Duh.

3. Sleeping with pillows and a mattress.

The average person sheds about 1.5 million skin cells per hour and perspires one quart every day even while doing nothing, says Tierno. The skin cells accumulate in our pillows and mattresses and dust mites grow and settle.

If that's not gross enough for you, Tierno explains that a mattress doubles in weight every 10 years because of the accumulation of human hair, bodily secretions, animal hair and dander, fungal mold and spores, bacteria, chemicals, dust, lint, fibers, dust mites, insect parts, and a variety of particulates, including dust mite feces. After five years, 10% of the weight of a pillow is dust mites. This is what you're inhaling while you sleep.

"What you're sleeping on can exacerbate your allergies or your asthma," says Tierno.

Their recommendation: Put some giant bags over your bed. And wash your sheets once a week (seriously).

My recommendation: Sleep on the couch or in your car.

4. Grilling meats. Okay, they must have read my post from April. Basically, the fat drips down causing cancer to spray all over your burger.

Their recommendation:

"Limiting your outdoor cooking, using tin foil, or microwaving the meat first is a sensible precaution," says Michael Thun, MD. He is emeritus vice president for epidemiology and surveillance research with the American Cancer Society.

My recommendation: Don't ever invite Michael Thun, MD, to your barbecue.

5. Opening your windows. Outside air pollution will kill you. Inside air pollution will kill you even faster.

Their recommendation: Run the air conditioner and keep the windows shut. The a/c will filter out the cancer dust, although the really deadly stuff will sneak in and kill you anyway.

My recommendation: Start smoking. Cigarette smoke will kill off the dust mites.

6. Watching TV. Americans are fat and lazy. It is the fault of the tv.

Their recommendation: Turn off the tv, put down the junk food, and go for a walk.

My recommendation: Get an old tv that uses an antenna. The US is switching to digital tvs on Friday. Without a converter box, your old tv won't get any reception.

Chicago Says Goodbye To BPA Plastics

2009-05-20T23:51:00.003-04:00

As I reported last September, plastics are scary. Specifically, Bisphenol A, also known as BPA. Independent researchers in white coats, the stuff found in everything from baby bottles to, well, water bottles, and can leach out with repeated uses, cleanings, etc. Researchers claim it is linked to birth defects, early onset of puberty, miscarriages, and other scary things.

For its part, the plastics industry has tried to get everyone to worry about other stuff, like swine flu, and exploding toy helicopters (okay, that was me, but I'm sure they didn't object).

So back in September I said it was time for the government to do something. Well, they have. At least Chicago's government has. Last week they became the first city in the country to outlaw BPA. Here's hoping others follow suit.

Chinese Sofa = Death

2009-05-13T19:45:00.004-04:00

A rash of complaints by British couch potatoes has lead to the discovery that as many as 200,000 Chinese-made sofas were made with toxic chemicals that have caused skin rashes, increased the likelihood of cancer, and even allegedly caused one death.

From The Sun:

TOXIC Chinese sofas that left thousands of Brits with burns have now been linked to CANCER, The Sun can reveal.

Medics are probing claims the couches triggered the disease in the skin and lower body.

Lawyer Richard Langton, who has led legal action for victims, said cancer cases were being investigated among 5,000 complaints - including one death.

The Sun told last year how Brits had been left with burns, eye problems and breathing trouble by the sofas, which were packed with toxic fungicide DMF to prevent mould on the voyage from China.

Mr Langton, of lawyers Russell Jones and Walker, said: "The mystery of the sofas is far from over."

"We have several cases involving serious complications - including cancer and even death - and we are investigating."

He said other fungicides may also have been used.

Mr Langton added: "DMF was identified by chance after months of detective work."

"Hundreds of other banned chemicals could cause problems."

It is believed DMF has the effect of stripping the human skin, exposing it to toxins.

A total of 200,000 sofas were sold in stores including Argos and Land of Leather in three years.

Cats Are Controlling Your Thoughts

2009-05-04T15:21:00.005-04:00

A study by people in white coats have discovered what many (including The Wife) have assumed for years: Cats are controlling our minds for their evil plans.

What are their plans? It's not entirely clear, but I have some ideas. The first phase involves making everyone anxious (about dogs, no doubt), depressed (leading to the acquisition of a cat), and insecure ("Why doesn't my cat love me? I must buy it more expensive food!"). Some are led to engage in reckless behavior (presumably leading to doomed relationships and the acquisition of more cats). Women also tend to develop a condition of "guilt proneness" ("My cats are unhappy! It's all my fault!").

From LiveScience:

A parasitic microbe commonly found in cats might have helped shape entire human cultures by manipulating the personalities of infected individuals, according to a new study.

Infection by a Toxoplasma gondii could make some individuals more prone to some forms of neuroticism and could lead to differences among cultures if enough people are infected, says Kevin Lafferty, a U.S. Geological Survey scientist at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

In a survey of different countries, Lafferty found that people living in those with higher rates of T. gondii infection scored higher on average for neuroticism, defined as an emotional or mental disorder characterized by high levels of anxiety, insecurity or depression.

His finding is detailed in the Aug. 2 issue of the journal for Proceedings of the Royal Society, Biology.

Manipulating behavior

T. gondii infects both wild and domestic cats, but it is carried by many warm-blooded mammals. One recent study showed that the parasite makes normally cautious rats outgoing and more prone to engage in reckless behavior, such as hanging around areas frequently marked by cat urine, making the rats easy targets.

Scientists estimate that the parasite has infected about 3 billion people, or about half of the human population. Studies by researchers in the Czech Republic have suggested T. gondii might have subtle but long-term effects on its human hosts. The parasite is thought to have different, and often opposite effects in men versus women, but both genders appear to develop a form of neuroticism called "guilt proneness."

Other studies have also found links between the parasite and schizophrenia. T. gondii infection is known to damage astrocytes, support cells in the brain that are also affected during schizophrenia. Pregnant women with high levels of antibodies to the parasite are also more likely to give birth to children who will develop the disorder.

In light of such studies, Lafferty wondered whether high rates of T. gondii infection in a culture could shift the average personality of its individuals.

"In populations where this parasite is very common, mass personality modification could result in cultural change," Lafferty said.

Kind of makes you wonder if this whole Swine Flu (err, sorry, H1N1 flu) paranoia wasn't some sort of a test run by the cats on their human servants...

WHO Declares End Of Swine Flu!

2009-05-01T16:02:00.004-04:00

The World Health Organization (WHO) has declared an official end to the swine flu apocalypse of 2009. Due to pressure from the pork industry, the WHO announced that it will no longer refer to the global pandemic as "Swine Flu" but instead will refer to it only as H1N1 influenza A.

H1N1 -- The other virulent infectious disease!

Alfalfa Sprouts Will Kill You

2009-04-28T13:30:00.005-04:00

I always remember when I first left the East Coast for California for college so many years ago (How long ago? Let's just say that I brought an electric typewriter with me). I was a stranger in a strange land but I was pleased to see that the sandwich shop I had walked into offered Pastrami. In my religion, you eat Pastrami on rye (or marble rye if you're feeling a little crazy), put a little mustard on it, and have it either hot or cold, and have a nice kosher pickle on the side. This is what I was expecting. Imagine my shock, then, as I was served a Pastrami sandwich with more sprouts on it than meat. As Colonel Kurtz liked to say "The horror. The horror. It really gets to me sometimes!"

So I really wasn't surprised to read that the FDA has issued a warning against eating raw alfalfa sprouts because of a salmonella outbreak.

Raw sprouts have been linked to several outbreaks of salmonella over the past two decades, FDA says. There have been 31 cases in six states since mid-March, and another 100 or so since February.

Anyway, I'm back on the East Coast now. Not a sprout in sight.

Bad Piggies -- Track the Swine Flu In Real Time

2009-04-27T13:14:00.006-04:00

Turns out that all the hype about bird flu and mad cows a few years back was just a huge plot to get us to ignore the danger of pigs. The swines have given us their flu, also known as H1N1. What started in Mexico has now spread to the US and Spain.

In another bad sign, Europe's health commissioner has urged that people avoid all non-essential travel to the US and Mexico. For those of us already here, the advice generally seems to be that the best way to stay healthy is to stop breathing.

Someone figured out how to track the whole thing on Google maps so you can watch the end of the world unfold with helpful color coded stickies. Click here for all the fun (zoom back to see the whole world).

Meat Will Murder You

2009-04-22T16:49:00.005-04:00

With the weather here in the Boston area having finally turned the corner, a carnivore's thoughts naturally turn to the backyard grill (please stay away from the flowers though).

Now we ponder the eternal question: How do you like your burger? If you said "rare" (and we likes 'em rare around here) then you are going to get sick from E. Coli, make the bathroom stinky, and possibly die.

So, just grill all the bad stuff out of it, right? Sure, unless you want to die of cancer. Turns out, people in white coats at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health have discovered that high consumption of carcinogens from overcooked meat is correlated to an increased risk of pancreatic cancer. Basically, you up your risk of getting cancer by 60% if you eat all the blackened stuff on your burgers.

A Straight Dope column from a few years back goes into a lot of the gory details, but it was written before the latest studies came out.

Your Garden Can Kill You And Your Kids

2009-04-15T16:41:00.003-04:00

Spring has finally sprung in the greater Boston area. The perennials are popping their heads up, the fish in our little pond have thawed out, and I'm doing a truly half-assed job of growing plants from seeds (some plastic covers, seeds from last year's marigolds and sunflowers, plus some mystery packets that I've picked up somewhere, and two halogen bulbs in a table lamp).

But just when I thought it was safe to go back in the garden, I stumble across this headline from the Washington Post:

Behind Some Plants' Beauty Lurks Danger

When designing ornamental gardens, homeowners usually think about looking at the plants, not eating them. However, many plants can be poisonous. One of the most common ways young children are poisoned is by eating pretty berries or flowers that look like candy.

Offenders in our garden include azaleas, hollies, and daffodils. Plus we have some aloe in the house.

If you have children, take the safe approach indoors, too. Common houseplants that can have toxic effects include aloe, dieffenbachia, philodendron and calla lily. Also avoid these if you have pets that like to nibble on plants. Some houseplants that are safe to grow are African violets, begonias, spider plants, Swedish ivy, wandering Jew, snake plant, weeping figs, dracaenas and jade plants.

Has your kid ever claimed that rhubarb could kill them? They were right. Plus tomatoes and brussel sprouts (okay, I made that last one up, but it should be true).

And don't think your vegetable garden is exempt from poisonous plants. Eating potato and tomato plants can cause severe stomach and nervous system problems. Rhubarb is probably one of the most dangerous kitchen-garden plants. Its leaf has been responsible for many deaths because people think they can eat it. The only harmless part of rhubarb is the stalk of the leaf.

The article explains that roasting marshmallows will also kill you and all your loved ones--if you nibble the stick from the wrong tree (hint: George Washington was right).

Oleander is a very poisonous and common outdoor plant in the southern United States. Its branches are perfect for cooking hot dogs and marshmallows, and when limbs are pruned and used for this purpose, they kill or sicken people every year.

Happy gardening!

Many Kids' Multivitamins Have Too Much Vitamin A

2009-04-01T16:48:00.003-04:00

According to a new report by Consumer Labs, several popular brands of children's chewable multivitamins have too much of a good thing -- namely Vitamin A (as retinol).

The culprits were: Hero Nutritionals Yummi Bears, L’il Critters Groovy Gummy Vites, and Trader Darwin’s Children’s Chewable Vitamins (my daughter Cinderella's faves).

The Institute of Medicine recommends an RDA of 1,300 IU of Vitamin A for a child 4-8 years old, and an upper tolerable limit (UL) of 3,000 IU. Some of the vitamins tested contained 5,000 IU.

According to Consumer Labs,

Excess vitamin A in the retinol form is of concern as it may, in the short term, cause nausea and blurred vision, and, long-term, lead to bone softening and liver problems. ULs for niacin and zinc were also exceeded by some of the products for young children. Excess niacin may cause skin tingling and flushing and high levels of zinc can cause immune deficiency and anemia.

In addition, many supplements like these generally provide an "overage" of ingredient, i.e., more than the listed amount of ingredient to make sure that the product maintains potency over its shelf-life. Although an accepted practice, actual levels may be up to 50% higher than on the label.

A reason why so many children's vitamins exceed the newer recommended levels is that they are designed to meet "100%" of the Daily Values (DVs) which were last updated in 1968 and have yet to be re-set by the FDA. The out-dated DVs for vitamin A on supplement labels are actually two to three times higher than the newer RDAs and exceed tolerable intake levels for young children.

Pistachios = Death

2009-03-31T16:07:00.003-04:00

Seems like pistachios are the source of a new salmonella outbreak. From the wires:

The company at the center of a nationwide pistachio recall says the salmonella contamination could have come from raw nuts during processing but not a human or animal source in its plant.

Lee Cohen, the production manager for Setton International Foods Inc., said Tuesday the company suspects roasted pistachios sold to Kraft Foods may have become mixed at Setton's plant with raw nuts that could have contained traces of the bacteria.

The pistachios were processed at central California-based Setton Pistachio of Terra Bella Inc., which is in the corporate family of Setton International Foods Inc.

Meanwhile, Kraft expanded its recall to include any Planters and Back to Nature products that contain pistachios.

Health officials have warned people not to eat any products containing pistachios while they investigate.

Even when they get this thing under control, several issues remain for the FDA to address:

It's kind of creepy eating green nuts

I can't eat them when my fingernails are either too long or too short

They're a lot of trouble for not much food

I find using a nutcracker on a walnut to be a much more satisfying experience than prying open a pistachio with my fingernails

Take Out Containers Are Toxic

2009-03-23T15:32:00.005-04:00

And you thought the take-out food was the thing that was going to kill you. Turns out the plastic in the container will leach into your food, mess with your hormones, and possibly give you cancer. See this post from the Educational Cyber Playground (and scroll to their discussion of #6 PS). It was based on this study published in Environmental Health Studies and conducted by people in white coats.

The good news is that the nasty chemicals only leach into your food and drinks if they are heated. So, as long as you get all your food and drink chilled, you won't have a problem.

Toxic junk found in baby shampoos and soaps

2009-03-13T14:23:00.003-04:00

All those times our kids screamed bloody murder when we forced them into the bathtub -- now it looks like they were onto something:

According to a new report by scary people in white coats:

More than half the baby shampoo, lotion and other infant care products analyzed by a health advocacy group were found to contain trace amounts of two chemicals that are believed to cause cancer, the organization said yesterday.

Some of the biggest names on the market, including Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo and Baby Magic lotion, tested positive for 1,4-dioxane or formaldehyde, or both, the nonprofit Campaign for Safe Cosmetics reported.

The chemicals, which the Environmental Protection Agency has characterized as probable carcinogens, are not intentionally added to the products and are not listed among ingredients on labels. Instead, they appear to be byproducts of the manufacturing process. Formaldehyde is created when other chemicals in the product break down over time, while 1,4-dioxane is formed when foaming agents are combined with ethylene oxide or similar petrochemicals.

The organization tested 48 baby bath products such as bubble bath and shampoo. Of those, 32 contained trace amounts of 1,4-dioxane and 23 contained small amounts of formaldehyde. Seventeen tested positive for both chemicals.

"Our intention is not to alarm parents, but to inform parents that products that claim to be gentle and pure are contaminated with carcinogens, which is completely unnecessary," said Stacy Malkan, a spokeswoman for the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, which is calling for the government to more strictly regulate personal care products such as shampoo, lotion and makeup.

So, no need for alarm. Just know that you are washing cancer into your kid's hair.

No More Kids' Stuff At Goodwill

2009-02-27T16:19:00.004-05:00

Ack. A serious dilemma for this here Worried Dad and several of his co-conspirators in the world of guerrilla parenting.

Here's the short of it:

* America want cheap junk from China.

* China complies, but slaps extra lead on every kind of book, toy, lunchbox, and article of clothing to help keep costs down.

* Americans freak out (including your humble blogger here).

* American Congress passes sweeping anti-lead law. Now every store, vendor, producer, etc. of children's anything must prove that their products are lead free.

* Worried Dad then walks into favorite Goodwill store and discovers that all children's clothing and toys are gone, baby, gone.

* Worried Dad ponders global economic apocalypse and wonders if kids today really need all those extra IQ points after all...

Nigerians Scam Citibank

2009-02-23T16:36:00.002-05:00

As if we didn't need any more reasons to be worried about the people running our banks, it seems that the geniuses at Citibank just fell for a Nigerian scam (run by real Nigerians!) for $27 million posing as representatives of the Bank of Ethiopia. The bank refunded the money to the Ethiopians, which probably wasn't a big deal since they are sitting on billions of dollars of taxpayer bailout money.

From the Times:

Swindles in which someone overseas seeks access to a person’s bank account are so well known that most potential victims can spot them in seconds.

But one man found success by tweaking the formula, prosecutors say: Rather than trying to dupe an account holder into giving up information, he duped the bank. And instead of swindling a person, he tried to rob a country — of $27 million.

To carry out the elaborate scheme, prosecutors in New York said on Friday, the man, identified as Paul Gabriel Amos, 37, a Nigerian citizen who lived in Singapore, worked with others to create official-looking documents that instructed Citibank to wire the money in two dozen transactions to accounts that Mr. Amos and the others controlled around the world.

The money came from a Citibank account in New York held by the National Bank of Ethiopia, that country’s central bank. Prosecutors said the conspirators, contacted by Citibank to verify the transactions, posed as Ethiopian bank officials and approved the transfers.

...

Prosecutors said the scheme began in September, when Citibank received a package with documents purportedly signed by officials of the Ethiopian bank instructing Citibank to accept instructions by fax. There was also a list of officials who could be called to confirm such requests. The signatures of the officials appeared to match those in Citibank’s records and were accepted by Citibank, the complaint says.

In October, Citibank received two dozen faxed requests for money to be wired, and it transferred $27 million to accounts controlled by the conspirators in Japan, South Korea, Australia, China, Cyprus and the United States, the complaint says.

Citibank called the officials whose names and numbers it had been given to verify the transactions, prosecutors said. The numbers turned out to be for cellphones in Nigeria, South Africa and Britain used by the conspirators.

Citibank, in its investigation, later determined the package of documents had come via courier from Lagos, Nigeria, rather than from the offices of the National Bank of Ethiopia, in Addis Ababa.

Citibank has credited back the lost funds to the National Bank of Ethiopia, said one person who was briefed about the situation.

Organic Farms Got Phony Fertilizer

2009-02-11T13:49:00.006-05:00

Organic farmers in California, including some of the largest producers in the country, have been unwittingly using a synthetic fertilizer for up to seven years. The product, made by California Liquid Fertilizer, was cheap, effective and certified organic. It captured a third of California's organic farming market by 2006.

The California Department of Food and Agriculture had been notified of the problem in 2004, but didn't order the company to remove its product from the market until January 2007. It didn't notify the company's clients until a year and a half later.

Another major producer of liquid fertilizer pulled its product from the organic market in November 2007 after regulators initiated an investigation.

The organic produce market has grown from small farmers to a multi-billion dollar megabusiness, but regulation hasn't kept pace. State regulators only initiate inspections after receiving a complaint. Most of the regulation falls on the industry certification groups, but they often rely on company-provided information to determine if products meet federal standards.

From the Sacramento Bee:

For up to seven years, California Liquid Fertilizer sold what seemed to be an organic farmer's dream, brewed from fish and chicken feathers.

The company's fertilizer was effective, inexpensive and approved by organic regulators. By 2006, it held as much as a third of the market in California.

But a state investigation caught the Salinas-area company spiking its product with ammonium sulfate, a synthetic fertilizer banned from organic farms.

As a result, some of California's 2006 harvest of organic fruits, nuts and vegetables – including crops from giants like Earthbound Farm – wasn't really organic.

According to documents obtained by The Bee through a Public Records Act request, California Department of Food and Agriculture officials were notified of the problem in June 2004 but didn't complete their investigation and order the company to remove its product from the organic market until January 2007.

State officials knew some of California's largest organic farms had been using the fertilizer, the documents show, but they kept their findings confidential until nearly a year and a half after it was removed from the market. No farms lost their organic certification.

The rest of the story (a very interesting read) is here.

Killer Peanuts

2009-02-06T13:01:00.004-05:00

I take a month away from the blog and peanuts threaten to rise up and kill all our children.

Since the peanut uprising began, at least 575 people in 43 states have been sickened by salmonella-tainted PB. At least 8 have died.

The Times reports today that peanut agents have apparently infiltrated the government and had the Agricultural Department send out tainted peanut butter to schools across the country as part of the free-lunch program (moral: there is a free lunch, but it will kill you).

This interesting tidbit was buried deep in the story:

Despite ongoing reports of illnesses linked to the company, the Agriculture department only Thursday suspended Peanut Corp. from participating in government contract programs, for at least a year. Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack also removed Stewart Parnell, president of the company, from USDA's Peanut Standards Board.

...

The Food and Drug Administration learned only weeks ago that the Peanut Corp. of America had received a series of private tests dating back to 2007 showing salmonella in their products from the Georgia plant, but later shipped the items after obtaining negative test results.

Something I should have been worried about

2008-12-24T22:52:00.003-05:00

So, after months of public worrying on this blog, I find myself on a 10-hour journey through three airports, several time zones, and an immigration checkpoint bringing my daughter, Cinderella, to Mexico to spend Xmas with my wife's family (she will join us later, after attending an ill-timed conference).

Here's what I worry about (in no particular order):

* The unlikely event of a water landing

* The airline losing my rolling suitcase that they forced me to gate-check

* The possibility that I am angering the one true g-d by celebrating a holiday outside my religion

Here's what actually happened:

* Cinderella got a stomach bug and puked all over me for 10 straight hours. Poor kid. She's a trooper though. Not sure how she's going to feel when I explain that she won't be allowed to eat all that candy in her stocking for another day...

FDA Says Mercury Is a Vegetable

2008-12-12T17:22:00.002-05:00

Okay, maybe not a vegetable, but the FDA is reportedly considering rescinding a previous warning to pregnant and nursing women and children because of the danger of consuming mercury. Previously the FDA and EPA had warned baby-mamas and kids against eating more than 12 ounces of fish, and to avoid swordfish, shark, tilefish and king mackerel altogether.

Officials at the EPA are not happy, as are white-coated environmentalists. Richard Wiles, the executive director of the Environmental Working Group, said "It's a commentary on how low FDA has sunk as an agency. It was once a fierce protector of America's health, and now it's nothing more than a patsy for polluters."

Chuck E Cheese Melee

2008-12-11T13:08:00.002-05:00

A recent report vindicates my avoidance of Chuck E Cheese. My main reasons have been that I worry about restaurants that trumpet their associations with rodents, and that they are brainwashing Sesame Street-watching munchkins with their ads on PBS. Plus, I also hear that the food sucks and the place is a rip-off.

As if all that weren't enough, the Wall Street Journal reports that the police are being called in to break up more fights at some Chuck E Cheese locations than at nearby biker bars. In some areas, the restaurants have been forced to stop serving alcohol and start staffing the place with armed guards after incidents like an 80-person melee in Flint Michigan earlier this year.

Now, the only way you were going to drag me into one of these places was with the promise of beer, so that's another strike against them. However, Rebeldad seems to disagree.

Among other incidents in the article:

In Brookfield, Wis., no restaurant has triggered more calls to the police department since last year than Chuck E. Cheese's.

Officers have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007. The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child's birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform.

Toys will kill you

2008-12-08T23:04:00.004-05:00

According to a new report by the Michigan-based Ecology Center, 1 out of every three toys they examined (out of 1,500) tested positive for "medium" to "high" levels of lead, cadmium, arsenic, PVC and other harmful chemicals.

The full report can be found here.

No more raw pork for Cinderella

2008-11-24T20:37:00.003-05:00

Actually we're cutting out all pork products. Why, well how about this news story from ABC news:

It's Not a Tumor, It's a Brain Worm: Doctor Surprised to Find a Worm Living Inside a Woman's Brain.

Late last summer, Rosemary Alvarez of Phoenix thought she had a brain tumor. But on the operating table her doctor discovered something even more unsightly -- a parasitic worm eating her brain.

"We've got a lot more of cases of this in the United States now," said Raymond Kuhn, professor of biology and an expert on parasites at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, N.C. "Upwards of 20 percent of neurology offices in California have seen it."

The pork tapeworm has plagued people for thousands of years. The parasite, known as cysticercosis, lives in pork tissue, and is likely the reason why Jewish and Muslim dietary laws ban pork.

Damn, but I love bacon. But we should never forget what Khan did to Chekov.

Kids sure do eat a lot of sugar!

2008-11-19T20:43:00.002-05:00

I went to Cinderella's Pre-K class for the morning. I was there to read a story (The Guest by George Marshall) and try not to cause too much trouble.

Now I'm a firm believer that life needs some sugar to counter all the bitterness in the world, but I have to say that the quantity of the sweet stuff being consumed by the future leaders of America was just a bit out of hand.

At breakfast (free for all), the choices include Frosted Flakes and French toast with corn syrup (would it be that hard to get real maple syrup here in New England?). Luckily, I send Cinderella off to pick out a book while I'm picking out her breakfast, but do we really need to be handing out Frosted Flakes? They also have stacks of chocolate milk that they hand out at lunchtime.

At snack time, all the kids eat something packed from home. Cinderella gets raisins, a whole wheat roll with butter or jam, a stick of string cheese, or some fresh fruit. I also pack her some milk to drink. One or two of the other kids had something along those lines. All the rest had fruit rollups, Rice Krispy Treats, cookies (!), and juice (otherwise known as liquid sugar).

I wasn't able to stick around for lunch or the afternoon snack, but I figure it was more along the same lines.

By my estimate, the little munchkins must have ingested about 2 cups of sugar and/or corn sweetener apiece.

And then we worry about why they're all bouncing off the walls?

Just saying...

Scary Chinese Fortune Cookie

2008-11-14T15:47:00.004-05:00

Not that they want anyone to get really worried, but the FDA has just ordered that all shipments of food products (for both humans and pets) must be tested first for melamine.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the FDA acted after 60 or so tests of Chinese candy and crackers tested positive for the additive, which has sickened tens of thousands of Chinese children, and caused at least four deaths.

Melamine is a particularly nasty chemical substance that has many industrial uses, but is toxic to humans, especially infants and children. Food suppliers have been illegally using it as a cheap filler.

The New York Times reports that in addition to the previously reported White Rabbit candy, consumers are being urged to worry about breaded shrimp, dietary supplements, and protein powders and shakes.

Consumer advocates are pleased that their worrying is being heard, but urges the testing to expand to cover egg and fish products, foods that have recently been found to contain the harmful additive.

China keeps putting scary stuff in food

2008-10-31T13:50:00.004-04:00

New reports today about the growing tainted food scandal in China. Seems they have been putting melamine not only into milk products (including baby milk formula), but also feed for animals. The chemical has now been found in eggs and egg products, but further testing is underway and the New York Times reports that it may have spread to everything from pork and chicken to bread, cakes, and seafood (hmm, sounds like the pu pu platter).

Melamine is a particularly nasty chemical substance that has many industrial uses, but is toxic to humans, especially infants and children. Food suppliers have been illegally using it as a cheap filler.

So far the only stuff that's been detected in the US food supply has been White Rabbit candy at import shops. But the extent of the contamination of the food supply doesn't bode well, and certainly isn't good for Chinese kids, where so far over 50,000 people have fallen ill and several babies have died.

Oh right, and the whole tainted pet food thing a year ago (note to self: stop eating Meow Mix).

Kids' Cereal Not Good For Kids

2008-10-21T22:15:00.006-04:00

According to recent investigative reports, the most popular breakfast cereals (as opposed to the dinner ones, you know) are the dietary equivalent of either a bag of potato chips or a doughnut.

A recent study by Consumer Reports of the 27 brands of cereal most heavily marketed to kids showed that 11 had as much sugar in a regular serving as a glazed doughnut. Interestingly, both Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles scored better than Post's Golden Crisps (not that the Pebbles are doing your kids any favors).

Major cereal companies have been responding to parental concern by giving cereals new names, thus the Sugar Smacks and Super Sugar Crisps of our wayward youth are now Honey Smacks and Golden Crisps (although the sugar content is the same).

The only ones that Consumer Reports investigators will let you serve your kid without a disapproving glare are Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, Life, and Kix (as long as you serve them with a glass of milk, a piece of fruit, some broccoli, and a multivitamin).

Meanwhile in England, consumer groups are charging that when the big cereal companies create reduced sugar varieties, they end up boosting the salt content to the point that they equal that of potato chips (or "crisps").

So that's it. From now on we're skipping the middle man and are just taking Cinderella to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast.

Future Red Sox Secret Weapon

2008-10-21T09:30:00.004-04:00

Ok, things didn't turn out like we hoped. But, hey, there's always next year!

Absolute Power and the Four Year Old Mind

2008-10-15T10:28:00.003-04:00

Cinderella is channeling the wicked stepmother lately. She was Line Leader at her pre-k class the other day. For the uninitiated, this means that she got to be at the head of the line for the day.

Me: So how was it being line leader today?

Cinderella: It was great! All the other kids had to be my servants and do everything I said!

It's a great time to invest!

2008-10-10T12:00:00.004-04:00

This pretty much sums up my feelings about the current financial meltdown.

Don't worry about the angels

2008-10-07T11:04:00.004-04:00

I had a little chat with my daughter Cinderella today:

Cinderella: Did the Red Sox win?

Worried Dad: Yes, they beat the Angels!

Cinderella: Won't God be angry?

Worried Dad: No, God is very happy about this. And besides, the Red Sox don't need wings to fly.

Beware the White Rabbit - Tainted Candy Found in US Stores

2008-10-02T11:13:00.005-04:00

The tainted Chinese dairy product scandal has finally hit the U.S. Bags of the popular Chinese White Rabbit candy tainted with Melamine have been found on store shelves in Connecticut.

According to the International Herald Tribune

Melamine is a chemical additive at the heart of China's contaminated dairy scare. It is used to make plastics and fertilizers, but it is sometimes illegally mixed into food products, including milk, because its high levels of nitrogen can help fool tests that measure protein levels.

In September, Chinese authorities acknowledged that more than 53,000 Chinese infants had been sickened after consuming powdered baby formula that had been contaminated with melamine. Of that total, 13,000 were hospitalized and four have died.

Please don't feed your head.

Hands Free Cell Phones Can Make Men Shoot Blanks

2008-09-26T20:26:00.008-04:00

First the people in white coats tell us that regular cell phones will fry our brains so everybody needs to use those ridiculous hands-free things (making it much harder for people to distinguish between certified crazy people who talk to themselves in the street and regular crazy people talking on invisible phones).

Now a new study by some white coat types in Cleveland are warning that men who use hands-free phones may be frying their sperm. That's because guys keep their phones in their pockets when they're yakking on the headset.

The researchers collected um, ounces and ounces of man juice and then held phones up to half the group. Then they counted how many little guys were still swimming around. (Why do I get the feeling that this was more fun for the sperm donors than for the researchers?)

The result was that the zapped samples had lower motility (movement) and viability (live spermies). Fortunately, there was no DNA damage to the ones that did survive, so if one of the guys survives the nuclear holocaust, the critter will be OK.

In the end, though, keeping your phone in your pocket might still be a more appealing path to male infertility than the one that Mike at Unraveling Life's Mysteries describes.

Someone On Wall Street Ate the Brown Acid

2008-09-24T15:48:00.012-04:00

I'm beginning to think that this whole financial meltdown and recovery plan is due to a couple of guys on Wall Street having a bad drug experience.

Here's how the conversation probably went:

DAY ONE

CEO #1: "Hey man, I just thought of something."

CEO #2: "What?"

CEO #1: "All this money."

CEO #2: "Yeah?"

CEO #1: "None of it is real, man!"

CEO #2: "Whoa. Wait, what do you mean?"

CEO #1: "It's just like blips or something. We spend all of our time trying to kill each other over electronic blips and stuff."

CEO #2: "Zeroes and ones, man."

CEO #1: "Exactly! I mean, like, one day a computer says that a house is worth $200,000 and the next day it says it's worth $100,000, even though the same person is living in it!"

CEO #2: "They sell houses for $100,000??"

CEO #1: "Whatever, man. The point is, it's not even paper losses, it's just blips in some giant computer or something!"

CEO #2: "Zeroes and ones, man."

CEO #1: "Exactly! Now, what if everybody had this same realization at the same time? What if, just by us thinking this out loud, everybody's going to wake up tomorrow and have this same thought??"

CEO #2: "Then we'd be totally hosed."

DAY TWO

CEO #2: "WAKE UP MAN!! It happened exactly like you said!"

CEO #1: "What?"

CEO #2: "The zeroes and ones! They're all gone!!!!"

CEO #1: "Uh oh."

DAY THREE

CEO #2: "What are we going to do, man? What are we going to do?! We messed everything up!! People are freaking out all over the place!! We've got to get the blips back!!"

CEO #1: "Wait man, just wait. Don't freak out. Remember Ben and Hank in DC? They have this crazy machine that prints money."

CEO #2: "A machine that prints money? But we need billions! Maybe trillions! Can they do that???"

CEO #1: "Don't worry, man! I just dosed their coffee."

CEO #2: "Whoa."

Just one really scary word: Plastics

2008-09-16T20:13:00.014-04:00

Plastics were the future, but they sucked. Okay, Bakelite was cool, but now you can only find it on stuff in yard sales and Ebay.

Now of course, thanks to the Internet, we know that plastics are truly evil and will destroy us all. Or something like that.

Honestly, I'd been trying to avoid thinking about this too hard because Cinderella uses plastic cups, eats with plastic utensils, and we wrap her up in Saran Wrap when she's naughty. I thought I'd wait until the people in white coats had figured out if this was something I really needed to worry about or not.

Turns out I do (and you should too).

As you've probably heard, the problem is with plastics that have bisphenol A, otherwise known as BPA. Some people in white coats did a really big study on humans and found that people with high levels of BPA had higher levels of heart disease, diabetes, and liver abnormalities.

Of course, like all scientific debates, there are two sides to this. On one side are researchers like the authors of the study and Frederick vom Saal, a reproductive scientist at the University of Missouri at Columbia who commented that the findings of the study were "the nail in the coffin" (hopefully he was referring to plastics and not us). Also on this side are people like Patricia Hunt, a geneticist at Washington State University who is researching possible links between BPA and birth defects, miscarriages, and other nasty stuff.

On the other side are chemical industry funded scientists who claim that there's absolutely nothing to worry about. The FDA apparently rests its claims that BPA-laden plastics pose no danger based on two chemical industry funded reports.

As worried consumers we can stop using BPA-laden plastic baby bottles, eyeglasses, DVD's, water bottles, and food containers. Or we could bug our government (or elect a new one) to force companies to get rid of this stuff.

Toy helicopter explosions continue to terrorize nation

2008-09-12T22:05:00.005-04:00

I don't know how I got started on this whole exploding toy helicopter thing. Since starting the blog I've documented more than two recalls per month, generally because they burst into flames, causing property damage, injury from burns, and widespread panic.

On Thursday, the Consumer Product Safety Commission (official motto: we don't want any more money, unless it's given to us by the people we regulate) recalled another one.

The "Protocol" remote-control mini helicopter has the nasty habit of overheating and burning people's fingertips. The copter is made by Ashley Collection, Inc., and is made in China.

I'm starting to develop a theory. China is trying to destroy us all. I'll elaborate in later posts.

In the meantime, if you're jonesing for a toy helicopter, I suggest something along these lines:

Particle Board = Death

2008-09-10T21:43:00.011-04:00

We've previously discussed how granite counter tops are radioactive. But as one astute commenter pointed out, you don't want to outfit your fallout shelter in Formica.

The danger isn't in the Formica, but rather what the Formica is covering up: particle board. Turns out, particle board is made with formaldehyde, that fun stuff they use to soak brains and FEMA trailer in. While formaldehyde is good for preserving brains of dead people, it isn't such a good thing to breath in if you plan on staying alive.

According to National Geographic, the stuff can cause nausea, allergic reactions and a burning sensation in the eyes, nose and mouth. The EPA considers it a possible carcinogen. The National Cancer Institute has conducted studies linking exposure to increased risk of leukemia and brain cancer.

Formica, and the laminate stuff over your particle board (or press board) desk, chair, table, etc., acts as a partial barrier between you and the nasty stuff, except for all the exposed parts. Anyway, it's probably lurking behind your house walls.

That pretty much leaves us with solid hardwood from tropical forests and plastics, which were designed by Satan.

Protecting Your Children From Fire May Be Bad

2008-09-08T18:51:00.006-04:00

The Wife is a philosophy professor. Her Dad is a more down-to-earth kind of guy. Of my wife's chosen career, he once said "Philosophy?! The cave men figured out all the philosophy we'll ever need: Fire good. No fire bad."

Turns out it's actually a little more complicated than that.

According to the Internet (actually, the National Fire Protection Association) in 2002 (the year with the lowest incidents ever recorded, mind you), children started almost 14,000 "structure fires" resulting in 210 deaths, 1,250 injuries, and $339 million in property damage ("that's coming out of your allowance!").

On the other side of the equation, companies have been dousing everything from clothing to couches to electronics with chemical fire retardants called PBDEs. The white coat activists at the Environmental Working Group conducted a study of 19 US families showing that in 19 of them, concentrations of the PBDEs were three times higher in the children and toddlers than in the mothers. The EWG had conducted an earlier study in 2003 and found that concentrations of PBDEs in US mothers' breast milk were 75 times higher than in breast milk from European mothers (the compounds are under much higher regulation in Europe). Although the studies are small, they are enough to cause great amounts of worry.

What's so bad about PBDEs? Apparently, when given to mice, they cause hyperactivity (and nobody wants hyperactive mice). The EWG recommends that until Congress enacts tough new regulations, children should really stay off the couch and stop using Daddy's computer.

With the NFPA's warnings in mind, I recently cautioned Cinderella not to play with matches. The conversation went exactly like this:

Cinderella: Daddy I need some matches.

Me: You shouldn't play with matches dear.

Cinderella: I'm not going to play with them! I need them to start a fire.

The First Rule of Toddler Fight Club is Don't Tell Your Mommy or Daddy

2008-09-08T18:30:00.002-04:00

Today was Cinderella's first day of Pre-K. She's been going to all-day preschool since forever, so it was probably more of a big deal for me than for her. When the teacher was about to lead her away to the classroom Cinderella asked me if I could stay with her. I said no. Instead of crying, she just kissed my cheek and told me to have a good day at work (cue "Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon..."). I could tell she liked it because she didn't want to leave when I came to pick her up.

The building is only a few years old, and only a couple of the people working at the school look like scary people who will try to boil my child into stew and eat her. Plus, since it's public, it's about half the cost of the private preschool we were sending her too.

My real relief is that we don't send her to this wonderful Methodist Church preschool in Fayetteville, Arkansas where two teachers recently lost their jobs because they were forcing 3 and 4-year olds to fight each other during "circle time."

Julie Munsell, spokesman for the state Department of Human Services, said the fighting is said to have involved punching, kicking and pushing as part of “a game,” and that the department is investigating under terms of the church’s child-care license.

The wrong kind of soap is bad. Very bad.

2008-09-02T17:14:00.009-04:00

I thought I was getting ahead of the curve for once, but The Wife one-upped me.

It seems that a triclosan and triclocarban, common additives to hand soap, dish washing liquid, toothpaste and hundreds of other common household cleaners, has been linked to all sorts of scary stuff, including dermatitis, affect sex hormones (and not in a good way), interfere with the nervous system, possibly be a cause of autism, toxify your liver and inhalation system, and poses a danger to fetal and childhood development.

According to Dan Chang, PhD, "a professor of environmental engineering at U.C. Davis and one of the researchers involved, says he doesn't want to cause a panic, but ""the public should be aware of some of the concerns.""

Gee, that's reassuring.

Triclocarban and triclosan were initially used as antiseptic cleaners in hospitals in the 1950s and 60s. Freaked out germaphobes, helped along by articles like this, turned antibacterial soaps into multibillion dollar businesses starting in the 1990s. The claim by the EPA and the soap industry (what I like to call "Big Bubble") that the products are safe are based on testing done on animals in the 1960s and 70s, when testing standards were quite looser than they are today. But the old products got grandfathered in.

According to an article on WebMD, the UC Davis researchers suspect that any harmful effects from these agents are most likely to occur during pregnancy, in early childhood, and adolescence. You know, the times when everyone is always freaked about about washing hands and stuff.

The stuff also has a nasty habit of sticking around. White coat-types at Johns Hopkins have reported that 75% of triclocarban survives wastewater treatment plants and ends up in water used on food crops. found triclosan in the urine of 75% of people aged 6 and older.

In addition to all this, it's been widely reported that common use of antibacterial soaps are no better than regular soap, and are likely contributing to more drug resistant bacteria.

Okay. No antibacterial soap (although purell and the like are a different story).

The Environmental Working Group provides a handy mouse-over map of your home showing where triclosan may be lurking. Basically, it's in everything from soap to shoes to shower curtains. They suggest running naked through a hidden grotto drinking naturally purified rainwater and eating free range spores.

So, all of this had convinced me to start looking in horror at my bottle of cheapo dishsoap. It seemed like such a bargain at 98 cents! Okay, off to Trader Joe's to buy some human and earth friendly crap. Hey, here's a nice one: lavender scented. We used to calm Cinderella with lavender oil when she was a restless babe.

This is when the wife one-upped me.

Her: "Lavender? Are you out of your mind? Haven't you read about lavender????"

Me: "Ha ha! No. Is orange okay?"

Her: "Of course. What could be bad about orange?"

Me: "I'll be right back."

Turns out, some white coat types have discovered that lavender and tea tree oil have been found to cause young boys to develop breasts. Spurs estrogen growth or something. In a culture obsessed with boobs, pretty much everyone can agree that nobody wants them on prepubescent boys. Not sure what it does do 4 year old girls like mine, but we're not about to find out.

NY Times follows up on my Vitamin D story

2008-08-26T21:10:00.009-04:00

The New York Times did a follow-up story to my earlier post about the dangers of too little vitamin D.

According to the Times, medical types have noticed an increase in the number of babies with problems they suspect are the result of too little vitamin D, including rickets, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, and cancer.

Doctors suspect multiple causes, including exclusive breastfeeding (since the mothers are vitamin D deprived themselves), children drinking soda and juice instead of milk, and not enough time spent outdoors in the sun. Because we know that exposure to the sun will cause instant death, the recommended solution is to feed your baby vitamin supplements and cod liver oil.

But wait! According to Sydney Spiesel, a pediatrician and professor at Yale University School of Medicine, too much cod liver oil will actually do damage to your bones. Overdo the cod liver oil and you're likely to get too much vitamin A, which can lead to "liver damage to nervous-system symptoms that resemble the effects of a brain tumor," as well as bone mineral loss leading to osteoporosis.

Well, that certainly clears things up.

FDA Is Worried About Cough Syrup

2008-08-24T21:33:00.006-04:00

The Food and Drug Administration is about to revise regulations on over-the-counter children's cough syrup. The FDA's review may even lead to the disappearance of the drugs from store shelves, making them available only via prescription.

The trouble, it seems, is twofold. First, the stuff doesn't work. Second, it may cause some unwanted side effects (which makes me wonder if you can call something a "side effect" if it doesn't actually have a primary effect...). Side effects include hallucinations (cool!), seizures (not cool), trouble breathing (very bad), heart problems (uh oh), and death (very not cool and very bad).

In response to an FDA-panel report back in October 2007, drug companies yanked all cough medicines for kids 2 and under off the shelves. The FDA let the companies keep selling the drugs for children older than that, however, despite the fact that the panel had determined that there was no evidence that the medicines actually worked.

The FDA had declined to stop the sale of the drugs, even though averse reactions to cough medicines led to over 7,000 ER visits, two-thirds of which involved children aged 2-5. The panel agreed that the drugs don't do any good for children age 6-11 either, but a majority of the panel members thought that parents "wouldn't have any good alternatives" (translation: It would be bad if drug companies would stop making money from this worthless and sometimes harmful product).

How were the companies able to push these harmful products for so long? It turns out that the drugs were first put on the market before proper drug testing was the norm, and then got grandfathered in. And then, hey, people were buying hundreds of millions of dollars of them a year, so what was the problem?

What's a worried dad (or mom) to do? Try a teaspoon of buckwheat honey (but not in children under 12 months as it may cause botulism in infants).

Toy Helicopters = Death

2008-08-22T16:59:00.003-04:00

More toy helicopter tragedy.

First, the Consumer Product Safety Commission has put the kibosh on another toy helicopter because of exploding battery problems. The Chinese-made batteries in Hobbico Inc's Electrifly helicopter kits due to problems with the batteries melting, bursting into flames, and causing property damage.

On a sadder note, a six-year old boy was killed by a toy helicopter in the rural Brazilian city of Altinho in the state of Pernambuco. No word on what model it was, but let's face it, these things are just bad.

MSG Will Make You Fat

2008-08-21T18:38:00.002-04:00

A new report by people in white coats suggests that MSG will make you fat. In a new report in the journal Obesity (you gotta wonder what they serve in their cafeteria), researches noted that Chinese peasants who ate a lot of MSG with their food were nearly three times as likely to be obese than those who didn't pour the stuff on (after controlling for calories, exercise, etc.).

So how am I supposed to get my umami fix now?

Here comes the sun. Hide your child now!

2008-08-15T12:03:00.004-04:00

We recently discussed how people are dying nasty deaths because they can't manage to get 15 minutes of exposure to sunlight a day. Today we look at why you should be afraid to ever expose your child to the sun's harmful rays at all.

A helpful worry-inducing article from one of my favorite panic inducers, Parent's Magazine, provides many reasons to be afraid of the sun.

According to the article, "new research has found that overall sun exposure in childhood -- not just burns -- significantly increases the risk of skin cancer."

The author warns that normal approaches aren't going to protect your child. SPF 50 sunblock only works if you slather on a gallon of it, and reapply every time they even think about taking a swim.

Tans are bad: "We know now that the more sun your child gets, the more likely he or she is to develop basal-cell and squamous-cell skin cancers," says Dr. Eichenfield. "Any sign of color means that the skin has been damaged."

You can run, but you can't hide. Those harmful UVA rays will sneak in through closed windows and give us all cancer.

What to do?

Slather on the broad-spectrum sunscreen (remember when we used to call this "sun tan" lotion?).

Limit the time your kid spends in the sun during 10:00am and 4:00pm.

Make sure they wear a broad-brimmed hat, sun protective clothing, and sunglasses.

Hey kids, let's have a Burqa party!

Too little vitamin D will kill you

2008-08-13T16:24:00.004-04:00

Something else to worry about.

According to a report by people in white coats, people with too little vitamin D in their bodies will die horrible, horrible deaths. In a study following 13,000 initially healthy men between 1994 and 2000, those with low levels of vitamin D were 26% more likely to die. Insufficient vitamin D was also linked to higher rates of breast cancer, depression in the elderly, and possibly to cardiovascular disease.

The somewhat shocking thing is that, according to the reports, all you need to get the required amount of vitamin D is to get 10-15 minutes of sunshine a day, however 50% of adults age 50 and over, and a large share of younger people, are under-D'd.

Too MUCH sleep can make you fat too!

2008-08-06T18:46:00.007-04:00

For the moment, my big problem is that I can't get Cinderella to sleep early enough. And this could make her fat.

Now my sister, Worried Aunt, has informed me of research reported on WebMD that too much sleep is associated with a whole host of problems, including diabetes, headaches, back pain, depression, heart disease, and, of course, obesity.

One recent study showed that people who slept for nine or 10 hours every night were 21% more likely to become obese over a six-year period than were people who slept between seven and eight hours. This association between sleep and obesity remained the same even when food intake and exercise were taken into account.

So, the previous studies suggested that you were at risk for obesity if you slept less than 9 hours a night. This one says nine or more and you're in trouble too.

Gee, thanks Sis!

The Epidemic of Exploding Helicopters Continues Unabated

2008-08-05T22:02:00.006-04:00

Another month, another recall of exploding toy helicopters. According to the CPSC, the "Sky Scrambler" and "Sharper Image" helicopters (made in Hong Kong by Innovage) join the ranks of the Sky Champion and the Thunder Wolf as toys recalled because they burst into flames.

Kind of makes me wonder what other toys might be really cool if they started exploding: Elmo's Inferno, Dora Explores the Inside of a Volcano, Burn Barney Burn!

Restaurant Food Isn't Good For Your Kid

2008-08-05T21:24:00.004-04:00

Put this in the "hardly shocking, but still good to keep in mind" folder:

A new study by the Center for Science in the Public Interest released a report that showed that of the 13 largest restaurant chains, 93% of the possible kids' food combos contained a third of the total calories that kids 4-8 should consume in a day. Not too terrible in itself. However, for many of the places, though, almost all of the value-priced kids combos packed an entire days calories into a single meal.

The fast-food joints did about as poorly as you might expect (with the exception of Subway, mostly because they push milk instead of soda--ahhh!! milk!!!), but the big chains like Chili's and Denny's were some of the worst offenders. Many other chains don't make their nutrition info public.

We're bummed because one of our favorite neighborhood burrito joints, Boloco (with lots of cheap, fresh food on the menu), just closed the shop closest to our house. And, of course, it was the one location with a kids play area.

How are you supposed to feed your kid on the run without packing up half the fridge in your pack?

My inability to get my kid to sleep early will make her fat

2008-08-04T00:52:00.005-04:00

My daughter, Cinderella, has so far been the victor in the ongoing bedtime battle. It doesn't help much that The Wife and I are night owls (actually, I'm a night owl, she's descended from vampires).

I'm not so good with the whole setting strict limits thing, for the most part. The family motto is "Put the [insert dangerous object] down and nobody gets hurt." Apparently, this isn't good enough to get me a fatherhood medal. It seems that my inability to turn Cinderella into Sleeping Beauty is dramatically increasing her chances of joining the national childhood obesity craze that's sweeping the nation.

Several studies by people in white coats from New Zealand and England point to what appears to be a clear link between the lack of sleep and the rise of childhood obesity. In one study, researchers following 13,000 children made the shocking discovery that children who sleep less tend to spend less time playing outdoors and have less energy for active play. More worryingly, they say that it appears that lack of sleep may alter children's hormones, leading them to overeat, and seek out the worst kinds of food.

Another smaller study of 591 children found that "children who slept an average of less than nine hours a night had a 3.34% increase in body fat compared with those who slept more than nine hours." The researchers noted that shortchanging your kid's sleep led to a three-fold increase in their risk of becoming obese, independent of the amount of exercise they got or the amount of television they watched.

Harshing my own mellow

2008-08-04T00:25:00.004-04:00

[Author note: the following entry should be prefaced with the word "alledgedly."]

It has often been noted (by me, anyway) that the older we get, the more legal our vices become. With parenthood, a mortgage, and (oh the shame) a minivan, the last remnants of your youthful fantasies of carrying on your cool anti-establishment abandon go up in smoke. And it ain't the kind you spray over with your mom's air freshener either.

Now the drugs we take to make us happy are not only legal, they're pushed by the evil corporations that you once swore you'd never abide. While we once sought out the newest freak to free our mind from the drudgery we knew, deep down, was our unavoidable fate, we now cadge uppers and downers from our doctors in order to stay productive at work and keep pace in the soul-crushing rat race that sends digital money to our bank accounts so that we can transfer it to our credit card companies and bill collectors.

Yet, is there any better anti-drug ad than seeing a bunch of aging California hippies?

For some reason I'm often reminded of an old New Yorker cartoon. One guy says to another "The problem with living longer is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

Are we worried enough?

2008-07-31T13:14:00.005-04:00

A new report by some Israeli people in white coats has some interesting findings about worrying. Researchers claim that people in their 40s and 50s who worry a lot about their problems (at home and/or at work), had a significantly lower likelihood of dementia in their 80s. How much lower? How does 42% lower (than the care-free) grab you? The benefits were proportionately reduced the less you worried.

Great. Now I'm worried that if I don't worry too much I'm going to lose the bits of my mind that haven't been nuked by my cell phone.

Cell phones = death?

2008-07-27T21:47:00.006-04:00

I was chatting with a friend the other day. I told her I wasn't getting good reception.

Her: "Your talking on a cell phone?!!!! I hope you're using one of those wireless sets."

Me: "Uh, oh."

I had stopped worrying about the whole cell phones cause brain cancer thing a while back when some pretty definitive sounding studies by people in white coats determined that there was no evidence of causation between cell phone use and brain tumors, brain cancer, or brain farts.

But now the world is abuzz with worry thanks to a memo from some guy to his staff warning them not to use their cellphones without those annoying earbud things because of the potential cancer risk. Turns out the guy, Ronald B. Herberman, is director of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute. Okay, he couldn't get a job at Harvard, but it's still pretty official sounding.

According to the memo: "Recently I have become aware of the growing body of literature linking long-term cell phone use to possible adverse health effects including cancer," Dr. Ronald Herberman said in the memorandum. "Although the evidence is still controversial, I am convinced that there are sufficient data to warrant issuing an advisory to share some precautionary advice on cell phone use."

He says that children, especially, should have their exposure to cellphones limited because their brains are still developing.

I have to admit that the last bit makes me wonder if this whole thing isn't an elaborate ruse to get his kids to stop running up his cell phone bill...

Your Counter Top May Be Radioactive

2008-07-24T13:53:00.002-04:00

Does your newly rehabbed kitchen have that special glow? Turns out it may be because it's radioactive!

You read it right. According to the New York Times, some people in white coats have declared that some granite counter tops are emitting radiation (including lung cancer causing radon) at 100 times background levels.

The paper reports that worried homeowners are spending $100-300 to test their kitchens for radon and other nasty stuff, and chucking the whole thing into the trash if the numbers are bad.

Fortunately, Worried Dad is not too worried, because we have plain old Formica tops that have not, as of this writing, been proven to cause cancer...

Big Elmo Is Watching You

2008-07-22T22:28:00.000-04:00

A story in Tuesday's Wall Street Journal (nicely clipped by Bronxnews) explains that the friendly companies that have filled our little ones' heads full of the sweet taste of desire for tv crapola like Dora the Explorer ("I'll teach your kids the same three words in Spanish every day!"), Elmo (please tell me Jim Henson wasn't responsible for this), Teletubbies (Falwell was right: Tinky Winky is gay), Thomas the Tank Engine (we miss you George), etc, are worried that you might hire someone to come to your kids birthday party pretending to be one of these creatures.

How worried are they? Worried enough to sue the pants of your entertainer. One owner of a kids' party shop received a friendly note from Marvel Inc, stating that they were aware of “unauthorized costumed Spider-Man, Hulk and Wolverine appearance services,” and added, “Marvel has no choice but to seek legal recourse against your business.” She has spent $30,000 defending herself in lawsuits.

In response to parental complaints that the companies create these insatiable desires in our kids only to deny them the chance to pretend that they actually get to meet the critters on their freaking birthdays, the companies respond that they can spend $50 a pop when they show up at huge arena shows. Gee thanks.

The companies won't even sell the costumes to entertainers, reportedly for fear that the characters image might be misused (but slapping it on a diaper is okay?). The performers have been reduced to dressing up like scary imitation characters like "Squishy Guy" instead of Sponge Bob.

One kid who wanted this girl

to show up at her birthday shrieked in terror when she was met by this girl

The horror. The horror.

Your wild youth messed up your kid's genes

2008-07-21T21:03:00.001-04:00

How your kid turns out is a result of nurture and nature. As far as I've been concerned, Cinderella can blame me and the Wife for all our parental sins to the therapist, but she can't blame us for the genetic stuff. We put in all our chips and spun the wheel.

Or so I thought.

New research in the field known as epigenetics by people in white coats suggests that our behavior can affect our genes. The jury is still out, but the evidence is mounting that youthful indescretions can mark our kids and grandkids. Drowning your sorrows in Ben & Jerry's today means fat camp for junior tomorrow, and so on.

Rather unhelpfully, one study noted that the grandsons of men in an isolated Swedish village that had survived starvation during war lived longer than men who hadn't. Doesn't it always work out that way?

Germophobe? If not, this article can help

2008-07-20T18:33:00.000-04:00

Another classic worry article from Parents Magazine: "Germ Warfare: How to Keep Your Kids Healthy." The gist of the article is that germs are everywhere, but you can fight back. The article helpfully notes that if you aren't afraid of your kitchen (sink, counter, refrigerator, cutting boards), bathroom (towels, sink, tub, toilet), supermarket, atm, elevator, pens, office, etc, then, (as Yoda once told Luke) "you will be ... you will be."

Some gems for those considering going over to the Mysophobia dark side:

Using cashier pens: Pens provided to sign credit card purchases are "superb carriers of cold viruses," Dr. Schachter says, as are pens in doctors' offices and at the bank, and those offered by delivery people -- so carry your own!
At the ATM and in the elevator: Press all buttons with a finger or knuckle that you're unlikely to use to touch your eyes, nose, or mouth. Better yet, use a key on your key ring or a pen from your bag.
Washing your hands: Unless the liquid hand soap in the public bathroom is in its own sealed bag (chances are it isn't), it's likely a breeding fiesta for bacteria. Rinse well with warm water and use your own hand sanitizer.

And finally "Avoid close contact with people who have the flu, advises the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Droplets in sneezes and coughs can travel up to 6 feet. "

Since it's so hard to detect if people have the flu before they get within six feet of you, it's just safer to just stick to a classic hoop skirt.

Broccoli Isn't As Good For You As It Used To Be

2008-07-18T11:19:00.000-04:00

I'm not the best parent. My daughter, Cinderella, has the bedtime habits of a vampire. She watches too many movies, and cadges too many sweet treats. At restaurants she acts like a coked up hostess, flitting from table to table, rather than the prim and proper little girls that occupy every other table at every restaurant I've ever been to.

But I've gotten her to eat -- and like -- broccoli, damnit!

But now this. Research shows that broccoli, carrots, and all the other good-for-you fruit and veggie foods have less good stuff in them than they used to.

Since 1940, when people first started keeping track of this stuff, broccoli has lost 75% of its calcium, carrots 75% of their magnesium. There are other declines across the veggie and fruit spectrum. The most likely culprits are factory farming and plant breeding. Some guy in a white coat says we now have to eat more of the stuff to get the same nutritional boost. Gee, thanks. Can't we just inject all the missing nutrients into chocolate?

Low Fat and Skim Milk Does a Body Bad

2008-07-17T20:23:00.000-04:00

Cinderalla wants a little sibling to kick around. This means that the Wife and I have to think about reproduction. Fertility = worry times 1 gazillion.

Turns out, according to people in white coats at Harvard, drinking less than full fat milk can reduce fertility. In an 8-year study of over 18,000 women between the ages of 24-42 (married, premenopausal with no history of infertility), those

who ate more than two portions a day of low fat dairy foods were 85 per cent more likely to be infertile due to ovulatory disorders than those who only ate it less than once a week.

Conversely they found that women who ate full-fat dairy foods, including ice cream, more than once per day had a 25 per cent reduced risk of infertility due to ovulatory disorders compared to those who ate full-fat dairy foods only once a week

The authors concluded that women trying to get pregnant should increase their intake of full-fat dairy, but keep their overall calorie intake the same. Good luck with that!

Other white coated people who couldn't get a job at Harvard have also done similarly huge studies of men and reported that men with diets heavy in low-fat dairy show a higher malignancy risk of prostate cancer compared with those who consume more full-fat dairy.

Kids Jewelry Is Still Bad

2008-07-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

Remember the lead toy scare from a little while back? It doesn't get mentioned in the papers anymore, so I guess our friends at the CPSC have sorted it all out.

Uh oh. Perusing the CPSC recall list for July, we find the following (all made in China):

Bead Bazaar "It's a Girl Thing." "The jewelry features a variety of charms including flowers, shoes, letters and butterflies." Oh, and lead. Lots and lots of lead.

A nice little book by Parragon Books called The Magic Ballet Slippers comes with a necklace with a silver-colored chain with a silver-colored charm consisting of a pair of ballet shoes and a bow. And lead. Lots and lots of lead. Still for sale on Amazon -- I just posted a warning.

Action Products International puts out a neat series of craft kits for making shoelace and necklaces charms. "The craft kits contain components (i.e., charms, beads, wire, clasps) to assemble necklaces, jewelry accessories, or charms that can be hooked on shoelaces, backpacks, or used as zipper pulls." And lead. Lots and lots of lead. The kits are aptly named "Curiosity Kits," because, you know, curiosity killed the cat. With lead.

Kids Food Is Bad

2008-07-14T15:07:00.000-04:00

According to a new study by a British scientific journal, 89% of food in supermarkets specifically targeted to kids have low or no nutritious value. To confront this, it appears that food marketers have decided to increase the number of dubious nutritional claims about their products. The investigators spotted a pizza carton labeled "Source of calcium" but made no mention that it was loaded with salt, and a jar of peanut butter mixed with chocolate was claimed to be a "source of six essential nutrients" (sure, peanut butter and chocolate, but what are the other four???).

Then again, the journal was called Obesity Reviews. I bet they say that about Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs too.

Worried in Mexico

2008-07-12T14:05:00.000-04:00

I'm on vacation with Cinderella and the wife in Mexico. Vacations are a great time to get away from your everyday home worries and worry about some dangers you don't usually have to consider.

Things I've been worrying about while on vacation

Jellyfish
Sunburns
Crazy drivers and bad roads
Child drowning in swimming pool
Child drowning while being sucked into the ocean undertow
Contracting hemorrhagic dengue fever from mosquito bites

Things that I should have worried about (because they actually happened, or nearly did) but forgot to

Pissing off Moctezuma and causing him to exact revenge (at least the horchata from that street vendor was yummy!)
Forgetting to take my glasses off in the ocean and nearly losing them
Child licking spilled chocolate milk off of a deck chair and potentially catching scary diseases from bat poop

Costco Helps You Prepare for the Worst

2008-07-04T22:13:00.000-04:00

The friendly folks at Costco have come up with a solution to every worried parent's dilemma: what to eat during the coming Apocalypse?

The new Emergency Food Kit:

Basic preparation will impact the probability of your family’s survival in an emergency. Delicious and Easy to Prepare. Each bucket contains 275 servings of Pre-mixed and Pre-seasoned 100 % Vegetarian and Vitamin Fortified food for you and your family. With a 20 year long shelf life, this kit is perfect for the preparation of natural disasters such as hurricane, tornado, earthquakes or even a camping/hunting trip.

I guess some people are really bad at camping.

Gift packaging is available, but delivery takes 7-10 days, so please plan ahead at least a little bit...

Happy 4th of July! Try Not To Blow Yourself Up

2008-07-04T11:25:00.000-04:00

Today we celebrate Independence Day, when a group of worried patriots dumped into the Boston harbor a shipment of tea that was suspected of causing a salmonella outbreak.

From our friends at the CPSC, I bring you a few heartwarming tales of pyrotechnics gone bad:

A 32-year-old man was launching aerial fireworks from a platform on a driveway. The first round of the ten shot device went into the air, but then the device tipped over pointing the remaining fireworks at the people who were watching the display. The remaining fireworks were launched into the crowd. There were six people burned ranging in age from 4 to 32 years old.
A 15-year-old male lit an M-80 inside his house and it exploded in his hand. The tips of two of his fingers were blown off.
A 31-year-old man and his 32-year-old brother were involved in an explosion in an apartment complex. The victims were illegally manufacturing fireworks when the explosion occurred. The victims were reported to have purchased pyrotechnic components over the internet. One victim died six days after being admitted to the hospital and the other brother died two weeks after the incident.

Happy 4th!